Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee....

By Anonymous - 12/12/2017 19:00

Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4498

You deserved it

332

Favorite

Love

Long story short

Headache

Higher standards

By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 23:34 - United States - Brimfield

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57894

You deserved it

12765

Favorite

By still poor - 5/12/2014 06:17 - United States - Carlisle

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32470

You deserved it

2827

Favorite

By justpeachy1989 - 26/5/2016 14:06 - Australia

Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12891

You deserved it

1623

Favorite

By emptypockets - 31/10/2014 13:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35901

You deserved it

6831

Favorite

By saxophone911 - 13/4/2013 15:52 - United States

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42235

You deserved it

44245

Favorite

By WakeUpToADream - 25/9/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26158

You deserved it

1952

Favorite

By Ohkourt - 20/4/2020 05:00

Mommy dearest

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1553

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 02:00

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

734

You deserved it

2133

Favorite

By LockedOut - 25/7/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38322

You deserved it

14919

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57656

You deserved it

4793

Favorite

By "Anti_Sora" - 5/1/2019 00:00

Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2104

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By AchievementUnlocked? - 19/10/2013 07:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46210

You deserved it

6418

Favorite

By anonymous - 21/2/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12822

You deserved it

45026

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/6/2013 16:11 - United States - Barrington

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52876

You deserved it

6822

Favorite

By sleepytime - 5/10/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13619

You deserved it

32771

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 14:01 - United States - Shelby

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41384

You deserved it

3628

Favorite

By Patrick - 27/1/2010 11:55 - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26359

You deserved it

5228

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36338

You deserved it

8326

Favorite

By district12 - 18/2/2012 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29832

You deserved it

2882

Favorite

By Nico - 12/11/2011 15:42 - France

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46662

You deserved it

3646

Favorite

By Monkeyspank - 26/1/2017 22:00

Today, my sister decided that it would be a great idea to give my almost two-year-old son some strong black coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6698

You deserved it

616

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/7/2015 15:40 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42488

You deserved it

2171

Favorite

By "breemonster" - 20/12/2018 16:00

Today, I got an email notification. I opened up my email, and found m4m craigslist add responses. My boyfriend used my phone to login to his email yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2312

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 17:48 - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45935

You deserved it

5199

Favorite

By sarah - 19/10/2011 19:36 - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35937

You deserved it

5121

Favorite

By WorkerBee - 17/3/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1934

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By riiiighhhttttt - 5/8/2013 05:38 - United States - Laurel

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43579

You deserved it

4333

Favorite

By turtle - 12/7/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38462

You deserved it

12633

Favorite

By Coykoi - 16/5/2012 14:19 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27466

You deserved it

10207

Favorite

By lebowski101 - 3/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37762

You deserved it

2982

Favorite

By thechaos - 15/12/2014 22:24 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36471

You deserved it

4209

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/8/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24307

You deserved it

10693

Favorite

By hiccups - 13/1/2013 06:15 - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34590

You deserved it

2810

Favorite

By DanceOnTheEdge - 20/7/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48569

You deserved it

19261

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/8/2019 20:00

Today, I learned that the gong my job installed less than 30 feet from my desk is being moved, due to noise complaints. To the office building I'm moving to in a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1424

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2010 00:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40698

You deserved it

16805

Favorite

By Kait - 5/4/2012 04:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25022

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37496

You deserved it

13208

Favorite

By justwow - 21/3/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24772

You deserved it

7330

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/1/2009 05:22 - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6229

You deserved it

43436

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By PhantomCrevan | 8

#7567393 - Thursday 23 November 2017 20:31

... at least they waited until after the wedding, so you didn't have to deal with the awkward explanation that people would have wanted? Plus you didn't have to say your vows worrying about if you would be stepping siblings in a few years.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7574377 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 19:29

At least they're happy. I don't see any problems with it aside from the obvious one that really doesn't make you related by blood.

COMMENTS

By PhantomCrevan | 8

#7567393 - Thursday 23 November 2017 20:31

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7574377 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 19:29

At least they're happy. I don't see any problems with it aside from the obvious one that really doesn't make you related by blood.

By joeyl2008 | 29

#7574393 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 20:03

So?

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7574493 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 23:40

You shouldn't be married to your sister, which he might be pretty soon.

By exileonmainst | 16

#7574395 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 20:05

If only you’d met your father for tea! Then everything would’ve been different.

By thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7574488 - Tuesday 12 December 2017 23:29

omg how are you going to explain this to the kids

Joshwarrior | 38

#7574501 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 0:19

Tell the truth (: seems simple

By sharond23 | 10

#7574509 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 1:13

I don't get why this is a problem. don't you want your father to be happy?

Conner Dalbeck | 15

#7576064 - Saturday 16 December 2017 18:55

it's not that OP doesn't want their father to be happy, it's that if they get married OPs wife or husband will be their brother or sister

By RichardPencil | 28

#7574515 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 1:27

You need to hope they stay together! This trims your Christmas list and slices your number of obligatory parental visits in half!

You need to be for your dad if only for the sake of the sheer efficiency!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7574533 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 2:17

You're right, this is a FML moment. Your father doesn't deserve to find someone he likes.

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7574557 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 5:36

And thus, a reality-TV show is born!

By Seymore Collins | 7

#7574610 - Wednesday 13 December 2017 11:07

That makes you and your wife, step-sister/brother. Every porno I've seen speaks of this myth.... LOL