Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, as I was going to check the mail, a huge dog ran into my house. The closest room with a door was the bathroom so I slammed myself inside and screamed for help. We live far from any neighbors and my phone was outside, so there was no hope of rescue. It paced outside the door for four hours. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML
Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
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Top comments
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what else is funny? That I'm one of the people that thumbed down your comment. AHAH.
Bijaglo 3
Smart dog..
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Comments (130)
kbt13 0
good luck molesting your dog from now on
modghaith 0
so you your dog can speak English now ...
bbgisbeautifull 1
First of all, dogs can't talk!!!! Cz they don't have vocal cords like humans.... Altho the only animal that can talk pretty well is the parrot
VirgilLovesYou 0
Dogs can "speak" They bark in ways that sound like words, which is done after they are trained. You've never been on YouTube?!
xTheDoctorx 1
Dogs actually can. You have to know something about dogs to know that though. You sound like you have never even seen a dog. They don't know what they are saying, but they can be taught to replicate certain words of human speech. It is very easy to teach them to do it. Dogs don't have vocal cords? Are you a wacky shack escapee?
soccer1629 0
not really a fml
decidedlyvague 11
Maybe dog comes natural to him. I mean, Rawr means I love you in dinosaur
slick5880 22
Lassie doesn't have shit on your dog. Damn that Timmy.
sasokai 0
Either ur dogs a freakin genius or ur neighbors are dumbasses
jazz23 2
y the hell would u do that?
blueknight1st 26
I swear to god I hate nosy neighbors. If it's not your house or your yard then it has nothing to do with you.
SunriseSurprize 2
Scooby where are you?!