Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I... - FML

By aimee_alexis - 20/6/2013 05:30 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49003

You deserved it

4762

Tweet

Share

aimee_alexis tells us more :

hey guys, i cant log into my account i made this post on so i made a new one! The cop told her she was being outrageous and told her to only call for emergencies. Since I live in Canada, if it really was weed, the police probably wouldnt do anything about it anyways. My neighbour is even more pissed off now, and since i live in a townhouse unit she has really been watching me closely. FYI, yes I am only 14 but its only an e cigarette.

Serious times

Messed up

Doomed

By Screwed - 16/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

I agree, your life sucks

216561

You deserved it

30266

Tweet

Share

By quickfingers100 - 22/5/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

80235

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74193

You deserved it

8675

Tweet

Share

By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36433

You deserved it

11917

Tweet

Share

By Snowtoe - 14/1/2017 14:00

Today, I'm at my grandparents' house to help clear snow. I was making a path to the driveway by pushing the snow out of the way. I saw a big pile and went to kick it really hard. Alas, it was a step. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6361

You deserved it

3094

Tweet

Share

By Gee - 16/6/2017 02:00

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4009

You deserved it

1791

Tweet

Share

By asstomouth - 29/5/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31030

You deserved it

9603

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37131

You deserved it

3436

Tweet

Share

By booksandshadows - 4/3/2014 09:06 - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44598

You deserved it

12588

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25035

You deserved it

3598

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 12:09 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33082

You deserved it

2628

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41030

You deserved it

10159

Tweet

Share

By alone_forever - 4/3/2009 21:03 - United States

Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." So I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well I am still not attracted to you though." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77691

You deserved it

7815

Tweet

Share

By nali1122 - 22/10/2019 12:00

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

560

You deserved it

2455

Tweet

Share

By noodlesandmilk - 13/12/2015 14:10 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21957

You deserved it

1823

Tweet

Share

By ShitStirringSon - 15/8/2013 02:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was told that my son has Twitter and Facebook accounts that he uses to try to bully people online, some of which are celebrities. He does it really badly, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41983

You deserved it

7236

Tweet

Share

By ang3l4 - 21/9/2016 05:28 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12417

You deserved it

1197

Tweet

Share

By em - 5/2/2011 09:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48149

You deserved it

5884

Tweet

Share

By not jacked - 20/4/2016 11:35 - United States - East Hartford

Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23022

You deserved it

1538

Tweet

Share

By missy - 9/3/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87238

You deserved it

8633

Tweet

Share

By ToInsecure4me - 10/11/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35905

You deserved it

6408

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Bad, bad, bad

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51263

You deserved it

15594

Tweet

Share

By TextLoser - 5/8/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9839

You deserved it

86497

Tweet

Share

By zoomzoom - 10/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Letting it all hang out

Today, I had to send out yet another email reminding families that everyone must be fully dressed while in view of the screen. This includes the student, any other children and the adults in the home. I teach first grade. It’s almost a weekly occurrence to have to send these. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By stupiddog - 15/4/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks

58216

You deserved it

5251

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28965

You deserved it

13849

Tweet

Share

By Anomaly - 3/3/2015 02:43 - United States - Trenton

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31229

You deserved it

4792

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/6/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74308

You deserved it

4909

Tweet

Share

By Wilson - 4/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2550

You deserved it

191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24231

You deserved it

59857

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/6/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32661

You deserved it

2976

Tweet

Share

By crb25453 - 15/10/2015 05:07 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25665

You deserved it

2219

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28678

You deserved it

2534

Tweet

Share

By WatchOut - 16/8/2013 16:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49729

You deserved it

13022

Tweet

Share

By Emily - 7/6/2020 20:08

What's the point?

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1325

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By WasntMe - 17/7/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59574

You deserved it

18654

Tweet

Share

By Ah piss - 15/9/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27014

You deserved it

3871

Tweet

Share

By filipinoclari808 - 16/4/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15754

You deserved it

81235

Tweet

Share

By technologyfail - 26/8/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19877

You deserved it

50848

Tweet

Share

By klala - 8/2/2012 14:07 - Reserved

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37065

You deserved it

3357

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By supertoasty | 7

#5543802 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Ahhh, I see you have NNS, or Nosy Neighbor Syndrome.

By imtooshy | 18

#5543805 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

Your neighbour needs to get a bloody life and you need curtains.

COMMENTS

By supertoasty | 7

#5543802 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Ahhh, I see you have NNS, or Nosy Neighbor Syndrome.

Reply

SuperSofie | 23

#5543821 - Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

Indeed, a very common and extremely annoying syndrome! But hey OP, at least your parents believed in you and told your neighbour off!

Reply

Dawnstempest | 17

#5543977 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:23

Unfortunately there are only two known cures at this time; death and moving.

Reply

buckerado | 19

#5544153 - Thursday 20 June 2013 17:52

Correction #37, there are a few more options:Blinds/curtains, tall bushes-depends on deed restrictions, or the easiest----a neighbor's "accidental" fall onto a sharp object.

Reply

Tiano_fml | 3

#5544338 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:56

#57 don't forget fire! It'd be a shame if their house burnt down and they had to move...

Reply

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5544533 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:04

I feel ya OP, my neighbour is an asshat too.

Reply

Krystal3408 | 32

#5616642 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:31

Damn that's one very common syndrome

By iipinkette | 16

#5543804 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Your neighbor seems like a bottle of sunshine.

Reply

vehementbitch | 4

#5543966 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:08

Atleast his parents didnt believe her crazy ass.

Reply

Failure_Inc | 12

#5544560 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:39

Exactly she has some cool parents... mine would have grounded me and had me drug tested

By imtooshy | 18

#5543805 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

Your neighbour needs to get a bloody life and you need curtains.

Reply

yzzami | 17

#5544092 - Thursday 20 June 2013 17:03

He could have curtains but trying to enjoy some nice sunlight or the cool evening air

By squiggles159 | 5

#5543807 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

creepy much?

By Ranimal | 12

#5543811 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:56

Wow, that lady needs a life, or get laid. Or both?

Reply

Alihb | 16

#5543922 - Thursday 20 June 2013 14:09

Who would have sex with her?

Reply

cathyfang1533 | 12

#5544440 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:41

The guy in your profile picture...

Reply

Krystal3408 | 32

#5616643 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:33

You may be right. Maybe that's why he has such a horrible expression.

By Wizardo | 33

#5543816 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:59

I see the marijuana went to your neighbours head hence the paranoia and suspicion, she should be locked away at some institute.

By darwinism | 30

#5543819 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:59

Bake some marijuana coockies and take them to your neighbour. It looks like they need to chill out a little!

Reply

happylappy | 21

#5544374 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:33

Edibles will probably do the opposite :S

Reply

raesos91 | 26

#5544562 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:41

ha! she needs a cockie alright xD

By luminis12 | 23

#5543820 - Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

Should've blew some smoke in your neighbors face

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#5543971 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:18

It's a vapor cigarette. There is no smoke. Also *blown* some smoke in her face.

Reply

Ukeee_X | 19

#5544098 - Thursday 20 June 2013 17:07

Blew is also the past tense of blow, sort of like dreamed and dreamt

Reply

seriouslypony | 9

#5544103 - Thursday 20 June 2013 17:13

You're right #47, but in this case he should have used the past participle, which is "blown".

Reply

hashshim | 21

#5544312 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:40

47: Blew only works on its own immediately following the subject, not with helping verbs... I think.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5544518 - Thursday 20 June 2013 23:27

Will you blow your boyfriend tonight.
She just blew her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend got blown.

By jw90 | 18

#5543822 - Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

A clear and valid point to where people just need to mind their own business.

By flashback.miss | 28

#5543826 - Thursday 20 June 2013 12:01

Leave a platter of brownies at her doorstep

Reply

buddy51 | 23

#5543976 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:20

And a flaming bag of s**t!!

Reply

buckerado | 19

#5544157 - Thursday 20 June 2013 17:55

Or a bag of chopped up grass would be a good substitute for a bag of flaming feces. Bags of flaming feces don't answer everything!

Reply

Krystal3408 | 32

#5616646 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:35

She comes out to take it inside and finds her front and backyard destroyed.