Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I...

hey guys, i cant log into my account i made this post on so i made a new one! The cop told her she was being outrageous and told her to only call for emergencies. Since I live in Canada, if it really was weed, the police probably wouldnt do anything about it anyways. My neighbour is even more pissed off now, and since i live in a townhouse unit she has really been watching me closely. FYI, yes I am only 14 but its only an e cigarette.

Miscellaneous

Commando

Wise kid

Good boy

06/09/2016 17:02

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 442

You deserved it 1 315

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 300

13/01/2012 17:17

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 538

You deserved it 5 688

23/02/2012 08:00

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 6 566

02/10/2016 17:32

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 068

You deserved it 834

22/04/2009 06:44

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 468

You deserved it 46 251

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:00

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 142

21/10/2015 12:12

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 798

You deserved it 3 721

14/12/2015 03:23

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 2 124

30/10/2013 15:58

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 964

You deserved it 19 552

05/11/2010 02:22

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 066

You deserved it 5 396

16/03/2019 18:00

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 590

17/01/2009 14:11

Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 039

You deserved it 5 231

Comfortably…

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 858

You deserved it 33 867

06/06/2012 14:19

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 106

You deserved it 6 609

19/01/2010 19:26

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 2 995

13/10/2013 05:51

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 143

You deserved it 4 513

04/03/2009 05:15

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 743

You deserved it 7 625

07/08/2015 16:36

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 767

You deserved it 3 355

Unexpected

By kalazoo21 - 25/08/2009 12:54

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 141

You deserved it 12 752

19/05/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 870

You deserved it 498

14/11/2011 13:37

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 3 714

Dark

By bloomrosalind8976 - 02/05/2021 16:59

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 184

08/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 360

01/12/2018 15:30

Today, it's been 3 days since my husband decided he really wanted to try the surstromming challenge. I can still smell that shit all through my house even with all the doors and windows open after the stupid bastard took one smell, vomited, and dropped the can on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 390

You deserved it 266

23/10/2009 05:22

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 460

You deserved it 49 618

03/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to a yoga class for the first time in a few years. When I went to change afterwards, I realized I'd split my pants at some point during the class. I think I understand why the girls behind me were laughing so hard now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 040

You deserved it 369

18/09/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 147

You deserved it 339

07/03/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 390

You deserved it 1 875

14/02/2009 17:35

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 376

You deserved it 3 997

16/04/2012 18:49

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 597

You deserved it 2 142

My ears!

By ANONYMOUS -_- - 15/12/2013 17:18

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 843

You deserved it 3 526

08/02/2015 10:26

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 716

You deserved it 4 048

16/09/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 990

You deserved it 183

Cough it up

By kaitlyn is here - 27/04/2021 05:01

Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 227

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 556

Respect

By it’s still cheating! - 05/09/2021 11:01

Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 123

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 346

02/11/2014 15:23

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 5 213

19/02/2011 05:22

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 914

You deserved it 8 562

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Top comments

supertoasty 7

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Ahhh, I see you have NNS, or Nosy Neighbor Syndrome.

imtooshy 18

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

Your neighbour needs to get a bloody life and you need curtains.

Comments

supertoasty 7

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Ahhh, I see you have NNS, or Nosy Neighbor Syndrome.

SuperSofie 23

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Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

Indeed, a very common and extremely annoying syndrome! But hey OP, at least your parents believed in you and told your neighbour off!

Dawnstempest 17

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Thursday 20 June 2013 15:23

Unfortunately there are only two known cures at this time; death and moving.

buckerado 19

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Thursday 20 June 2013 17:52

Correction #37, there are a few more options:Blinds/curtains, tall bushes-depends on deed restrictions, or the easiest----a neighbor's "accidental" fall onto a sharp object.

Tiano_fml 3

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Thursday 20 June 2013 19:56

#57 don't forget fire! It'd be a shame if their house burnt down and they had to move...

SuperDanielNL 23

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Friday 21 June 2013 0:04

I feel ya OP, my neighbour is an asshat too.

Krystal3408 32

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:31

Damn that's one very common syndrome

iipinkette 16

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:54

Your neighbor seems like a bottle of sunshine.

vehementbitch 4

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Thursday 20 June 2013 15:08

Atleast his parents didnt believe her crazy ass.

Failure_Inc 12

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Friday 21 June 2013 0:39

Exactly she has some cool parents... mine would have grounded me and had me drug tested

imtooshy 18

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

Your neighbour needs to get a bloody life and you need curtains.

yzzami 17

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Thursday 20 June 2013 17:03

He could have curtains but trying to enjoy some nice sunlight or the cool evening air

squiggles159 5

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:55

creepy much?

Ranimal 12

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:56

Wow, that lady needs a life, or get laid. Or both?

Alihb 16

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Thursday 20 June 2013 14:09

Who would have sex with her?

cathyfang1533 12

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Thursday 20 June 2013 21:41

The guy in your profile picture...

Krystal3408 32

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:33

You may be right. Maybe that's why he has such a horrible expression.

Wizardo 33

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:59

I see the marijuana went to your neighbours head hence the paranoia and suspicion, she should be locked away at some institute.

darwinism 30

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Thursday 20 June 2013 11:59

Bake some marijuana coockies and take them to your neighbour. It looks like they need to chill out a little!

happylappy 21

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Thursday 20 June 2013 20:33

Edibles will probably do the opposite :S

raesos91 26

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Friday 21 June 2013 0:41

ha! she needs a cockie alright xD

luminis12 23

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Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

Should've blew some smoke in your neighbors face

MissMae93 23

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Thursday 20 June 2013 15:18

It's a vapor cigarette. There is no smoke. Also *blown* some smoke in her face.

Ukeee_X 19

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Thursday 20 June 2013 17:07

Blew is also the past tense of blow, sort of like dreamed and dreamt

seriouslypony 9

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Thursday 20 June 2013 17:13

You're right #47, but in this case he should have used the past participle, which is "blown".

hashshim 21

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Thursday 20 June 2013 19:40

47: Blew only works on its own immediately following the subject, not with helping verbs... I think.

queerdragon 20

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Thursday 20 June 2013 23:27

Will you blow your boyfriend tonight. She just blew her boyfriend. Her boyfriend got blown.

jw90 18

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Thursday 20 June 2013 12:00

A clear and valid point to where people just need to mind their own business.

flashback.miss 28

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Thursday 20 June 2013 12:01

Leave a platter of brownies at her doorstep

buddy51 23

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Thursday 20 June 2013 15:20

And a flaming bag of s**t!!

buckerado 19

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Thursday 20 June 2013 17:55

Or a bag of chopped up grass would be a good substitute for a bag of flaming feces. Bags of flaming feces don't answer everything!

Krystal3408 32

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:35

She comes out to take it inside and finds her front and backyard destroyed.