Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, as I was going to check the mail, a huge dog ran into my house. The closest room with a door was the bathroom so I slammed myself inside and screamed for help. We live far from any neighbors and my phone was outside, so there was no hope of rescue. It paced outside the door for four hours. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML
Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what else is funny? That I'm one of the people that thumbed down your comment. AHAH.
Bijaglo 3
Smart dog..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
hyden121 2
Well, at least they care enough to help. Some people would never go out of their way to investigate.
cdbank3 0
ya retard that's nit abs those are rolls laid on one another
abastard 3
You maybe should tell your neighbors to fix your window and to give back all the stuff they stole.
xaxers 3
You called the police and had them arrested for breaking and entering, right? Because they can in fact be charged with that. IF they thought there was an emergency that warranted immediate action, they should have called emergency services. That's why they exist.
mjninety 9
I agree. Press charges. They should have called the police.
Cappiej 18
+1
ogplusog 4
+1 since my phone won't let me rate.
xTheDoctorx 1
I don't know where you are from, but our cops are show up in minutes. Call them and within 5 minutes, they are there... Maybe you need better cops.
ilovemyford 0
So if it were you're kid bust the window or wait and call the police the kid could be died
waldoo37 8
Maybe you caught them in the mist of a robbery
ogplusog 4
"mist of a robbery" is really a charming phrase. It sounds like modern art that doesn't suck.
crystalnight 19
I'm pretty sure it's "midst."
ogplusog 4
I'm pretty sure "midst" is the correct, boring term, yes. Congratulations on your achievements in pedantism.
decidedlyvague 11
After waking up at the saturation, my mind was a little foggy. The last thing I remember was being in the mist of robbery.
muchagente 5
you sure it's been your dog? could have been the little girl that watches out of your living room window at night.
ogplusog 4
NICELY done.
felah17 6
Does your dog say:" Yo quiero Taco Bell "yet??
tonnyfong 3
Don't think you should point fingers at the dog. It may be something else =X oppsy.
mali198922 6
sounds like u shoulda taught him to attack
lexigirl15 0
this is definitly a lie. dogs cannot talk
ogplusog 4
I respect what your neighbs did there but not nearly as much as you for your epic achievement.