Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, as I was going to check the mail, a huge dog ran into my house. The closest room with a door was the bathroom so I slammed myself inside and screamed for help. We live far from any neighbors and my phone was outside, so there was no hope of rescue. It paced outside the door for four hours. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML
Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
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Top comments
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what else is funny? That I'm one of the people that thumbed down your comment. AHAH.
Bijaglo 3
Smart dog..
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Comments (130)
Cereal_Is_Good 5
I just imagined a small child calling for help in the voice of Salad Fingers, that was a disturbing thought. My imagination isn't a normal place.
heresjuju 2
You should stop keeping young children in your basement then.
Raheemdplayer 7
My friend's dog sings to the 'Prince Of Bel Air' theme tune. FYL
unixdude 9
You really meant to say you killed someone who broke into your house, and only later learned it was your neighbor. Right?
MrHill 6
"Ceasar is home!"
TKello 6
Well at least you know that if you're ever in trouble your neighbors will come and help you.
HomeAl0ne 20
I wish I had your skill with training animals. I can't count the number of failures I have to live with. My octopus has shown zero ability in macrame and the gerbil frankly sucks at making pasta. I did teach my parrot to talk, but didn't properly think through the consequences of its first phrase being "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!".
Tristan_aust 11
Look at the bright side, you might have stupid neighbors but at least you have a pretty cool dog!
corruptblackkat 17
that dingo ate my baby lol
SexySheWolf 0
that must've been an interesting sight to come home to...even if they heard a "kid" they had no to bust into your house...