Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
vt_mruhlin 0
I'll play devil's advocate here and say that 7-year-olds can easily be misled to think you're more of an alcoholic than you are. I have a cousin who's parents are pretty religious. She saw my dad drinking one beer and went and tattled on him like he had killed her puppy. Then again, a normal person would have gone and talked to the kid after reading the first note, instead of just going ahead and drinking.
twignig 0
This is pretty sad. You should stop making your daughter worry and stop drinking.
Trooth 13
don't listen to anyone who said you should drink! Listen to your daughter. Atm, she may just be a little brighter than you.
libertyprime 0
Stop drinking.
gangstabby01 0
thats a classic. id do as she says if i were you.
goshzilla 0
Comments 35, 104, and 105. Please read them over, people!
poopy910 8
dude seriously you have a loving daughter that cares for you. what is she gonna do when u get drunk and get in an accident from drunk driving? huh? youve been warned already do your part, be a good dad seriously
mrsvalo_shitface 0
This is really sad. Not even close to funny. You should be ashamed. I grew up with a Dad and a sister as an alcoholic, and as the youngest child in my family, IT IS A BIG DEAL. That child is only 7 years old, and already she's smarter than you. Don't screw up anymore. Take the hint and get help immediatly. =)
twopak93 0
Just stop. If your daughter means anything to you, you will
jayhawk63 0
#35, I dislike the American school system as much as the next guy, but the way you worded that comment made it sound like you were doing something wrong for trying to get your mother to stop smoking, and that this little girl did something wrong in trying to get her dad to stop drinking. Neither of you did. The fact is, alcohol and cigarettes both **** people up, schools may exaggerate it a little but the behaviours are still both harmful, and there is no harm in trying to get a person to quit. OP, get your shit together and listen to your kid.