Miscellaneous: Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 25

16/12/2013 05:14

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 294

You deserved it 3 427

Vulture

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Catflap time

30/11/2014 20:24

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 257

You deserved it 3 462

04/08/2013 07:11

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 250

You deserved it 6 835

05/08/2015 04:37

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 22 128

29/04/2009 04:13

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 304

You deserved it 11 796

18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 441

You deserved it 215

30/06/2016 23:42

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 194

You deserved it 3 278

11/10/2009 06:18

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 159

You deserved it 3 280

iPhone 8? So bougie.

By PoorAfMan - 03/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend who doesn’t pay bills, still lives at her parent’s rent free, and hasn't finished her Associate’s is debating what color she should order her iPhone 13 in. Meanwhile, I have a Master’s, pay an astronomical amount in mortgage and bills, and still have the iPhone 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 300

26/06/2010 14:23

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 8 944

29/08/2009 23:36

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 389

You deserved it 3 856

14/12/2009 17:20

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 890

You deserved it 2 162

Live through this

By Artist man - 08/01/2021 07:02

Today, my girlfriend walked out on me because she realised she doesn’t love me enough to go through a second lockdown with me and our 2-year-old daughter FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 87

20/09/2015 23:59

Spicy

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 129

You deserved it 2 504

05/05/2013 04:14

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 4 918

02/02/2012 07:07

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 2 904

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Spicy

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 109

02/05/2019 10:00

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 249

09/06/2016 19:07

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 890

You deserved it 905

High hopes

By fml - 05/01/2015 03:10

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 214

You deserved it 7 589

20/01/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 1 936

Hairy situation

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 14:03

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 188

15/08/2012 17:41

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 341

You deserved it 10 710

04/03/2014 20:44

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 144

You deserved it 3 282

01/02/2009 10:27

Spicy

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 287

You deserved it 8 039

19/10/2009 18:09

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 4 527

30/10/2012 06:08

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 904

You deserved it 46 400

28/12/2018 06:00

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 085

You deserved it 474

06/01/2010 10:07

Today, I treated my friends to lunch at a posh restaurant because it's my birthday. While we were walking leisurely around the mall afterwards, their boyfriends showed up. I spent the next few hours walking alone behind them while they were walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 209

You deserved it 4 568

28/10/2013 20:18

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 300

You deserved it 3 467

18/11/2014 23:43

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 699

You deserved it 6 737

16/08/2009 04:36

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 6 283

20/09/2014 15:03

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 415

You deserved it 5 308

Clever girl.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 194

You deserved it 240

08/01/2011 20:35

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 449

You deserved it 2 480

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 06:13

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 2 020

05/03/2009 01:13

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 450

You deserved it 314 640

05/12/2016 22:35

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 898

You deserved it 955

11/05/2009 19:45

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 117

You deserved it 30 364

20/01/2010 05:27

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 683

You deserved it 85 702

Alanis Morissette reference

By mei-ah - 12/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 61

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Top comments

Dom_Olivares 12

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:22

Wouldn't they want to make some money?

DerrickJames 33

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:22

They wanted you to quit pestering them.

Comments

DerrickJames 33

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:22

They wanted you to quit pestering them.

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:39

"Mary, Mary, why ya buggin'?"

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Monday 16 December 2013 20:57

Just to clarify, "be a man" and "man up" have nothing really to do with sex/gender and more to do with gender identity and the stereotypes involved.. So I think she literally means act like a man and deal with it yourself. No need to be insulted OP

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Monday 16 December 2013 23:47

#57 She had every right to be offended. No pest control company should tell you to man up and deal with it yourself. If everyone did that, they would be out of business!

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Tuesday 17 December 2013 0:21

#57- why would a pest control company tell somebody to "man up" and deal with it themselves? if everyone did that there would be no need for pest control companies

Dom_Olivares 12

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:22

Wouldn't they want to make some money?

klovemachine 24

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:35

Apparently not :-$

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:40

maybe they already had some, and they felt that was a good way to spend it. that's how I'd spend it. ^_^

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Monday 16 December 2013 14:20

you're right their answer is ridiculous

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Monday 16 December 2013 23:58

It's a front!

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:23

Thick voice? Give the rats a chance OP, they are quite nice once you get to know them?

JD1147 27

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Monday 16 December 2013 13:41

So true, invite them in for a beer and round of poker

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Monday 16 December 2013 15:19

Maybe they'll end up cleaning your house for you also.

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Monday 16 December 2013 15:22

And if you really earn their trust you can fornicate with them and have mutant babies.

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Monday 16 December 2013 15:26

If you're lucky, you might find a chef among them.

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Monday 16 December 2013 17:01

37, seek help! you have major issues mate!

FrietvanPiet 16

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Monday 16 December 2013 18:56

@41 I actually liked how it escalated!

SarcasticShade 16

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Monday 16 December 2013 20:00

Did anyone catch that what 37 said sounded a lot like a that Family Guy episode where they had pests.

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:24

Do your business with another company! Chances are they'll have better customer service

hare 19

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:24

Wow what a ass hat just go there in person and unleash some feminine hell upon them :)

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:25

Sexist remark is sexist. Yup, take your business elsewhere.

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Monday 16 December 2013 17:25

And don't forget to find where you can rate your experience with them, preferably with the boss of whomever was on the phone.

MasqueradePrince 25

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:26

You do need to man up! Go and find a man to kill all of them for you.

DanShowsNoMercy 13

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:29

She won't find man with all those rats in her place.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 16 December 2013 20:26

Despite all her rage, she's still just a rat in a cage, or house for this matter...

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:29

Wouldn't they want to get payed?

RenoTheRhino 30

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:31

It's alright OP. The rats in my apartment have become quite good friends of mine. Just feed them bread and bathe them every once in a while. All of the sudden, you find yourself with a few more friends.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Monday 16 December 2013 12:35

Better spend your money somewhere else OP, if these idiots don't want the business you're offering them. They don't look very competent either if think that handling pest that can potentially transmit dangerous diseases is just a matter of "being a man".