Miscellaneous: Today, I went out with a group of friends. I hadn't gone out... - FML

By driezal - Canada

Today, I went out with a group of friends. I hadn't gone out in a few months since my fiancé left me. They promised me there wouldn't be drinking and would just be video game stuff. By 10pm, everyone was wasted, I got thrown up on and I had to walk home fifteen blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45059

You deserved it

5474

Tweet

Share

driezal tells us more :

To all those that commented: "Why didn't you drink too? Party pooper!" Actually, I'm allergic to alcohol. I did have one drink, but anymore than that and my body starts to go into shock. Then it's a lovely trip to the hospital. Yep, I know, such a party pooper, eh? Thanks for the nice comments though. You guys get karma points.

This Charming Man

Inappropriate crush

Deadly cocktail

By idiot - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11540

You deserved it

40197

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6702

You deserved it

612

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I had leg surgery. While I was recovering in the hospital, my boyfriend dumped me. I then had to ride home, a 2 hour drive, listening to my mother and aunt tell me he was the best thing to happen to me and I will never find a better man. Then the morphine wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45565

You deserved it

2722

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23065

You deserved it

1844

Tweet

Share

By Danielle Heichelbech - 8/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Chemical warfare

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

900

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33652

You deserved it

2767

Tweet

Share

By Lexi - Canada

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28340

You deserved it

7234

Tweet

Share

By MissAnonymous93 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12253

You deserved it

742

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1391

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69038

You deserved it

17505

Tweet

Share

By fucking fuck it fucking hurts - United States

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28545

You deserved it

6160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35748

You deserved it

4368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30239

You deserved it

4356

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34905

You deserved it

2868

Tweet

Share

By me - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34307

You deserved it

3212

Tweet

Share

By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36053

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44064

You deserved it

9856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33106

You deserved it

3267

Tweet

Share

By nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20748

You deserved it

1320

Tweet

Share

By nick2.0 - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61087

You deserved it

5526

Tweet

Share

By owwie - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35490

You deserved it

6054

Tweet

Share

By Anoniem - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2660

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Angelica - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39434

You deserved it

6133

Tweet

Share

By wtfguys - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35174

You deserved it

3650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16322

You deserved it

1115

Tweet

Share

By June - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12589

You deserved it

74640

Tweet

Share

By lft - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48847

You deserved it

10131

Tweet

Share

By tessamarque - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27532

You deserved it

4471

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00

Compassion

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2022

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By Panda_Bearr - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33592

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By hairstylistprobs - United States

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31271

You deserved it

2628

Tweet

Share

By fucking SUCKS let's do it LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE! - United States

Today, my girlfriend jumped into my arms for a kiss. She's done it before, but this time I wasn't expecting it. I fell backwards, straight through my glass coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24622

You deserved it

2044

Tweet

Share

By SucksToBeMe - United States

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10488

You deserved it

117948

Tweet

Share

By scheisse - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26283

You deserved it

67377

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30940

You deserved it

16936

Tweet

Share

By Lonesome - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54319

You deserved it

13035

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

868

You deserved it

73

Tweet

Share

By AllieOops - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36403

You deserved it

3007

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23600

You deserved it

3649

Tweet

Share

By emperor - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48403

You deserved it

30567

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jessaly_fml | 0

#303588 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:03

NEVER BELIEVE FRIENDS.
At least not when it comes to large groups.

By zfchatroulette | 24

#5347452 - Wednesday 30 January 2013 19:27

I think it's funny that although you already posted this comment, people are still going on about how they think you deserved it because you didn't drink. Sorry OP, this website is full of assholes.

COMMENTS

By Jessaly_fml | 0

#303588 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:03

NEVER BELIEVE FRIENDS.
At least not when it comes to large groups.

Reply

maddieguinn | 0

#980765 - Saturday 17 April 2010 4:32

why didn't u get wasted to??

Reply

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1173680 - Monday 2 August 2010 1:53

when do girls play video games ...smells fake

By Xero3g | 5

#303598 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:07

Friends are never trustworthy. Drunk friends are even worse.

By englishmuffin | 0

#303602 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:08

The drinking part I think you would have seen coming? But everything else, yeah that sucks. =[

By FMLwrestler | 0

#303607 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:11

No wonder your fiance left you. You sound like kind of a bore. Sorry if I come across too strong, but don't you realize guys like girls who know how to have fun once in awhile? But as for the throw-up and fiance part, those do suck though.

By Arrgh_fml | 2

#303610 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:12

awwwwww poor you!!!
but HAHAHAH still that was funny
u could have beat them up and they wouldn't have known its youuuuu

By jaybirdka | 0

#303624 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:17

quit being a pussy and go out and get laid.

By habeeboburky94 | 0

#303631 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By TheGasMaskGuy | 0

#303632 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:23

I would have drowned my soul.

By ForTheF_ckingWin | 0

#303640 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:26

I would taken the closest keys and dipset out

By Kenji_fml | 0

#303641 - Sunday 14 June 2009 12:26

Sounds like fun