By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks 66 783
You deserved it 9 519

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Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

I'm about fifty miles beyond grey horror

He should be about 50 miles away from that house.

What's a strap on?

A strap on is a fake penis that lesbians usually use to have sex instead of scissoring. Google it, you will see it

"Possiby fucked" could be used in a literal sense here too

Your wife is not dicking around

Sounds like his wife IS dicking around, nowm'sayin?

Oh lawd...scissoring is not a real thing. Trust

Listen to the song "I Would Walk 500 Miles" by The Proclaimers, and do the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of everything they say, except for walking 500 miles...

Pegging is in style

Preach it. Real lesbians know Scissoring is the stupidest thing ever. Plus it's really demeaning, like, "oh, they're squishing their crotches together, it's almost like they're having sex, how cute." Because everybody knows lesbians can't -actually- have sex. -_-

#182 Tribadism is a real thing and the majority of lesbian couples admit to trying it at least once. Scissoring, which is just one of the many positions, can actually stimulate a woman to the point of climax. Some women even claim that it is easier to achieve an orgasm this way. *The More You Know*

^ The More You Kohls...

real lesbians? way to make major generalisations about what's right and wrong when it comes to how people do life and sexuality; something which I thought "real homosexuals" were against

It's a real thing. Just not a common thing.

"Real" lesbian here. Scissoring is definitely a thing. You know right after you finish and your clitoris is super sensitive? that's an amazing time to scissor and leads to ANOTHER orgasm. You're welcome.

I like how this went from pegging to scissoring lol. Maybe I'm just being an optimist but maybe she wants him to wear it so they can DP.

I was going to say I don't understand why it isn't a thing, I mean it feels really good for my gf for me to just grind her with my dick, no penetration, so I'd imagine scissoring would feel just as good

Thank goodness, someone realizes that chicks really don't scissor.

I would be about fifty shades beyond gray.

Why just lesbians ? Why is it so weird to practice sodomy in a heterosexual couple ? Why penetration would have to be in an only way ? I'm not saying it is nice to him that his wife bought it against his will... Threatened by intrusion ? :P

Run!Run fast and far !

No, running means he has to turn his back to her.

That, and in all horror movies, the victim always trips and falls. The moment he trips OP gets the tip. So its best he backs away as fast as he can.

Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200

So then moon walk away?

"Run away, Simba. Run! Run away, and never return!"

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

And get 50 miles beyond your homeland

I'm about 50 miles beyond irritated with that dot on your picture.

Bend over, she'll drive!

That was incredibly clever 133.

Wait terrified of her using it on you or some one else..

assuming it's his wife, he jumps to the conclusion that it's for his no fly zone. That being said he should...watch his back.

Don't know why this got down voted. There might be another person or he might get butthurt while he's asleep two horrible possibilities.

OP should be less concerned about her using the strap-on on him and more concerned of her using it on someone else. Unless OP is into that......

Lmfao I wanted to get one but my man won't let

why would you want one? o. e

I think that's probably something he should get a say in.

Bc he wants to try up my butt so I think he should know how it feel

Sounds fair to me...

Normally I would say don't knock it till your try it....but fuck that!!

Well, he can only have it up the butt if you can do it to him I guess :$

A lot of Guys dont like getting fucked in the ass unless they are homosexual. Nothing wrong with that, just a fact

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

He better avoid it or he's fucked.

Don't drop the soap OP

Unless you have an ass related joke of your own, you need to butt out.

OP sounds a little butt hurt.

OP isn't butthurt...yet

Hey, don't be so hard on anal! Oral sex might make your day, but anal sex will make your hole weak.

You spelled week wrong

You missed the joke by a mile. Also, the Grammar Nazis might like to have a few words with you.

You'd be surprised... ;)

I think the nazis would want to have a word with you ;)

Heil no! I can Nazi myself have a conversation with them.

#38. Don't drop the soup. Is the phrase so popular? Chinese now also say that.

Don't drop the soup? Chinese now also say that? WTELF (What the Ever Loving Fuck)???

Well it is wise to not drop your soup.

@cakefete2, you're good. Real good.

this is asstronomically funny

hurts at the beggining, u will get used to it

What about this FML gives you the idea that OP wants to get used to this?

True, but I think "terrified" is a bit much, unless the wife's an idiot. If people go about things properly there's nothing to be terrified of, man or woman. Trying something once for your spouse, isn't a bad thing, just be sure stuff is done in a way that won't hurt. Ample prep and lube in a necessity. Research it on the internet to be sure it's done right. There's a pile of nerves in there that feel really awesome, OP. It's not a gay thing, it's biology. If your wife does it right, you could have a hell of a orgasm from it and for once, she's doing the work. ;) Plus, the strap-on will stimulate the wife's clit, so everyone is enjoying themselves. That said, OP should voice his concerns to his wife and no let her railroad him into anything. No one in a relationship should feel forced to do anything in the bedroom. Have a talk with your wife, OP and see what's up. There's no need to be terrified.

maybe she's using it as a strap-in?

Umm... What? Like in reverse for herself? Like strapping herself in reverse?

You wouldn't need a harness for that, just the dildo

maybe she wants OP to use it on her because his isn't naturally big enough?

I don't know which is worse :/

she could want both holes to be explored and plundered...

I'm sorry but all I can think of now is pirates after you said plundered

This mental image is definitely rated Rrrrrrrr!

Let's set sail on the seven seas in search of some booty. Hopefully, we find some treasure too.

At the same time?

Butt pirates ftw

If you think that's ok, that is totally demeaning to a guy. How about I just fuck a plastic pussy instead of my girlfriend. How'd you feel?

Time to invest in a butt plug

He's still getting things put in his ass, it's a lose-lose that way

More like loose-loose.

But if he has to take it... practice and astroglide...