Love: Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

03/07/2014 04:53

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 598

You deserved it 13 175

There's no helping some people

Own it

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

09/12/2009 11:13

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 129

You deserved it 5 039

06/07/2014 18:04

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 666

You deserved it 4 437

Fandoms are weird

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 09:02

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 463

29/09/2010 01:47

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 820

You deserved it 51 017

22/08/2011 17:19

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 3 670

01/03/2013 07:02

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 935

You deserved it 41 357

You tried

By LostAlice - 28/03/2021 17:01

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 65

Monday blues

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 11:02

Today, I asked my boss if I could take a vacation day for my birthday on Monday. She called to tell me yes, and then told me I'm getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 66

25/07/2009 09:55

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 270

You deserved it 9 000

21/09/2016 19:02

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 474

You deserved it 1 030

26/10/2013 21:27

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 288

You deserved it 5 025

02/06/2015 21:30

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 020

You deserved it 15 907

Bad timing

By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 52

26/12/2010 17:59

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 875

You deserved it 28 273

20/03/2012 05:49

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 986

You deserved it 6 916

15/12/2014 16:07

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 3 217

06/07/2012 15:03

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 2 224

21/06/2009 18:00

Spicy

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 300

You deserved it 5 286

23/12/2012 21:36

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 465

You deserved it 6 244

14/02/2019 15:11

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 390

You deserved it 4 764

20/09/2016 00:38

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 14 786

13/02/2010 17:32

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 157

You deserved it 8 165

27/06/2016 14:08

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 023

You deserved it 1 220

Alexa, play "Repetition" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:01

Today, I woke up and realized it's still 2020. It's like Groundhog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 218

What more do you want?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 14:30

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 719

You deserved it 168

06/08/2012 17:57

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 548

You deserved it 1 730

13/07/2014 16:04

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 271

You deserved it 6 768

Where were you?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:02

Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 101

22/03/2009 23:06

Spicy

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 135

You deserved it 20 536

26/01/2016 03:37

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 956

You deserved it 1 449

02/08/2009 19:12

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 759

You deserved it 6 961

04/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 859

You deserved it 268

05/05/2012 05:01

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 719

You deserved it 30 787

14/08/2015 13:19

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 969

You deserved it 3 972

Adding insult to injury

By SomeExplainingToDo - 04/09/2017 04:30

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 432

You deserved it 1 718

28/03/2009 03:16

Spicy

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 494

You deserved it 9 761

15/03/2009 04:56

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 938

You deserved it 5 707

24/10/2016 01:38

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 440

You deserved it 1 017

17/05/2017 04:00

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 122

You deserved it 359

22/06/2010 12:59

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 449

You deserved it 4 354

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Top comments

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:01

Honestly, nothing to say except your parents obviously have no respect for you and your supernatural hearing talents.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 14:59

He will get over it, OP. Don't let him bring you down. You do what's best for you.

Comments

cherries62212 16

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Thursday 3 July 2014 14:57

Well OP, Looks like you got 1-upped by the ex. Pass her up by doing chores and being nice?

ukeandfoodislife 19

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Thursday 3 July 2014 18:24

What the heck? He broke up with her for a reason. He shouldn't have to suck up to her now just because his parents are rude and mean.

Crimson_Summer 10

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Thursday 3 July 2014 18:43

#38. They were saying to do chores to 1-up the girlfriend, not suck up to her, just suck up to the parents. Get the parents to like him more than her.

ukeandfoodislife 19

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Thursday 3 July 2014 20:12

40: ohhh I get it now(: sorry #1 lol

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Friday 4 July 2014 7:09

More like "smh", parents shouldn't say stuff like that. They should lift their children up, not put them down. I'd be pissed if I heard my parents say that.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 14:59

He will get over it, OP. Don't let him bring you down. You do what's best for you.

imyy 20

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Friday 4 July 2014 4:10

Maybe the dad knew OP was still within hearing range and just said this to mess with OP?

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:54

still rude as hell

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:00

That sucks OP but many parents say things the don't mean. I am sure in a month or two they will forget about her.

SalsaVerdeDonut 22

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Thursday 3 July 2014 16:04

Since his dad waited for him to leave to say that I'm assuming he probably meant it. It's okay though OP, I'm pretty sure my parents like my brother's girlfriend better than him. They still love him but they like her more.

TheManInWhiteXx 9

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:00

Well, time for new parents. *puts clip into gun*

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Thursday 3 July 2014 16:05

Why would you even say that??

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Thursday 3 July 2014 16:10

Yeah that's just a bit fked

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Thursday 3 July 2014 17:26

If you're going to murder your parents use gardening tools not a gun. Haven't you ever watched a CSI?

ukeandfoodislife 19

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Thursday 3 July 2014 18:36

I worry about you.

MzZombicidal 36

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Thursday 3 July 2014 19:49

#39, your picture is the perfect worry face

BreathingClover 19

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Saturday 5 July 2014 16:59

and your face is a virtual Condom

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:01

Honestly, nothing to say except your parents obviously have no respect for you and your supernatural hearing talents.

ChristianH39 30

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Thursday 3 July 2014 16:52

The bat hearing is real

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:01

FYL OP, you don't have some good parents

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:03

Judging by your name, neither do you, Ronberg

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:45

That's probably not his real name...

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:46

You don't think so? I use my real name here, so maybe others do too.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 16:30

Wait, 23, your real name is docbastard? (yes, I get that he doesn't mean his username)

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Friday 4 July 2014 7:29

Apparently your struggle is real

BreathingClover 19

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Saturday 5 July 2014 17:00

Lmao!

Softballchick224 21

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:02

Oohhhh sarcasm.... Gotta love it??

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:05

Yeah. But gotta know what it means first :D

llamarrama01 21

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:04

Maybe she didn't protest verbally, but gave him a look that said it all.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:04

Sounds like you were dating out of your league, maybe you should rethink the break up.

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Friday 4 July 2014 4:15

What? You don't even know why he broke up with her and the parents could have said that for any reason. So just because you think she could've been "out of his league" means nothing.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 15:05

Tell him you liked her more than him, but you see how that turned out...