Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML
Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
Today, my aunts found grandpa's will, which left everything to me and nothing to them, and his lawyer confirmed on the phone this was definitely grandpa's wish. My entire family now hate me and think I manipulated him. My grandpa has hated me my entire life, so I think this is his way of punishing me. FML
Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML
Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML
Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years-old, with no wife or children. FML
Today, I was super excited to receive a large inheritance, maybe put it towards a house and a vacation. To my horror, the entire 40k went to my child support arrears. My psycho ex is the one who wanted those three kids, not me. FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, I received my first payment of child support from my estranged husband: $50 and a note that said he wouldn't be paying any more. FML
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Top comments
ColdplaySucks 18
Well **** that.
CammyGal 26
Yeah, because you had total control over how and when you were born, right?
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Comments (168)
limitedition 25
Your self respect is worth more than $3500. I actually feel bad for your grandpa for dying such a bitter fool. You, however, will be just fine without $3500.
Twisted_Angel 17
that's messed up... but there is a way around it. freeze some of your sperm, then get it done, then collect the money and laugh.
Elendil_fml 10
$3500 for a vasectomy? I'll take that if you won't.
terjesdottir 5
I personally would do it, but that's unfair of your grandfather though. But why?
thisisFMLsoFYL 11
Just get it when ur old
divadro102 16
Accept it, store it and later in life get a vasectomy. Way later in life.
thewaterbear 10
Why would they be mad at YOU for being born out of wedlock? It's not like you begged your dad when you were a sperm to release you from your quarters.
smayjay14 7
he never said when
monster_tamer 11
It occurred to me that OP could get a reversible vasectomy using RISUG, which has a grassroots movement in the USA to make it affordable and accessible. Grandpa never said it had to be permanent!
SixthSinEnvy 39
Never said you had to do it immediately. Put that portion into saving and 40 years from now when you've had your kids get it done. Won't matter then anyway. Loopholes, people! Think like a lawyer.