Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
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Top comments
fortytwo 0
Inform her that you got all your looks from her.
Dogmaw 0
Start leaving brochures for the worst nursing homes in town laying around the house.
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Comments (192)
csigabajnok 0
Tell her the same applies for her manners and her way of expressing maternal love.
sfgfan10 0
Wow, your mom's a bitch. Seriously though, she's probably joking.
lancetela 0
This made me LOL.
staticx 0
LOL! U have a cool mom.
legs_etc_ 0
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight Because rape only happens to the pretty ones People saying stuff like she doesn't love you are almost as ridiculous!
neversaykoko 0
You got her genes anyways.
Kanapapiki 0
Dang!
awesometacos95 0
Haha, loser,". But I have to agree, moms can suck balls like that
shurri 0
That's messed. You should have told her you got it from her. xD
stabmypapernotmy 0
Oh shut up She was kidding