Money: Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption...

By concernedson - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

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Money

Serious times

Sorry…

Man's best friend

By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

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By scared shitless in ohio - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

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By Emmz91

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

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By Andrexwife - United Kingdom

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mascotte

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor even if you have a c-section. FML

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By Doy - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

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By Rick - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

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By prettyinpurple - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

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By happybirthday - United States - Wrentham

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

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By finalyearsofhate

Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 14:01

The Hulk

Today, I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, meaning that I involuntarily fly into a rage without provocation. It's only controlled by healthy eating and sleeping. I work too much to get any sleep, I don't make enough money to eat well, and my disorder limits my ability to find a job that pays more. FML

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1451

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

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By Sam - France

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

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By anonomous - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

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By NoPromotionForYou - 7/5/2020 14:00

The sweet smell of success

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

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By jlee0000785 - Australia

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

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By Too Many Credits

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

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2882

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By yourmom - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

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24932

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By Jessica - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

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By FreshDonuts - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

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By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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16156

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

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23960

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By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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By Pissed.Off.Mom. - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML

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32506

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By OneYearMistake. - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

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55488

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By I hate my brother - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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24809

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

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By DamnThatsHarsh - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

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By thedancer5 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

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Top comments

By alienc | 0

#1393501 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:24

I wonder what else she bought in the past to get labelled with a "shopping problem".

By iSitt | 0

#1393671 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:46

you'll be glad you have it in 2012

COMMENTS

By samael131 | 0

#1393402 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:12

first

Stupified | 0

#1393488 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:23

Never know when you're gonna need it!

DinoBonertaco | 0

#1393493 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:24

Haha, bitch

DinoBonertaco | 0

#1393496 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:24

Haha, bitch

DinoBonertaco | 0

#1393499 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:24

Haha, bitch

cassiesaurus | 0

#1393528 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:28

haha. your own damn fault.

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1393531 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:28

how is it possible to triple post??

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1393635 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:41

that stuff is disgusting.

iSitt | 0

#1393671 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:46

you'll be glad you have it in 2012

MrPhucked | 0

#1393722 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:59

no one cares if your first, and YDI for being stubborn

rebbee | 0

#1393767 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:06

Condensed milk is yum. try it!

thaprince1226 | 0

#1393787 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:10

how the hell is this an fml.

FFML_314 | 11

#1393813 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:18

Who the hell told you, you were a prince?

alliewillie | 22

#1393878 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:29

ok I'm sorry, I must have missed something. where here is your life screwed? because mom bought a bunch of condensed milk?? this sites going downhill.

RachelHellYeah | 0

#1393910 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:32

haha so true!

MarkSeattle | 0

#1394079 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:04

65 ever watch Hoarders? or Hoarders:Buried Alive? look for the OP on one of those shows and laugh at the mom who has 5000 cans of expired food an won't throw it out, and the living room is piled 6' high with trash and Wal-Mart sale stuff...

Tasanasanta | 0

#1394140 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:19

Today, my mom made sure I had enough calcium, FML.

MsBrainDamage | 0

#1395443 - Monday 13 September 2010 0:59

So fucking wat? FYL because your mom bought a bunch of milk? Wow. You need to realize that's nothing to complain about

brianred5 | 0

#1400097 - Monday 13 September 2010 19:39

acceptance is the first step to recovery

carolinebeast | 0

#1421864 - Saturday 18 September 2010 6:51

theres these things called RECIEPTS.

By konniex3 | 0

#1393406 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:12

suuucks

By lovesamystery | 0

#1393408 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:12

hey know you won't run out of condenced milk (;

alaskan420 | 0

#1393421 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:13

like_its_ya_bday | 0

#1393674 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:46

no ur #6... lmfao

yummycupcakegirl | 0

#1393816 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:18

agreed :)

By lovesteph3523 | 0

#1393416 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:13

lmao wtf?

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1393564 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:31

you are confused about laughing butt off?

lovesteph3523 | 0

#1393613 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:37

laughing my butt off

lovesteph3523 | 0

#1393630 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:40

its just funny

By Spunkyasp | 0

#1393418 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:13

lawless shopaholics

By WearingHats | 14

#1393436 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:15

Well, at least while you're in the poor house, you will have condensed milk.

By 10_4Franky | 0

#1393438 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:15

Haha, that's funny. Wonder what she's making. Flan?

konniex3 | 0

#1394008 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:52

yummyy lmaoo

By yagurlteeteexoxo | 0

#1393449 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:16

@ least you will have lots of sweet milk OP...

free2speak | 14

#1396630 - Monday 13 September 2010 8:12

You would go through the trouble of pressing "shift" and "5" when you could just press "a" and "t"? wow. And yes, I do like going through all this trouble mentioning it out because it annoys me and I have yet to understand how and where are you saving time in doing so? phew.

By stillxsearching | 3

#1393476 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:22

so by "shopping problem" you mean drug problem?

joanjett | 0

#1394545 - Sunday 12 September 2010 20:33

lmfao

By iEmily | 0

#1393490 - Sunday 12 September 2010 16:24

Well now you know she has a problem!