Miscellaneous: Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 18:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 240

You deserved it 4 456

Walk on the wild side

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

By Anonymous - 14/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 882

You deserved it 9 132

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 985

You deserved it 14 131

By Upbrakie - 12/01/2010 13:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 558

You deserved it 3 352

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 02:45 - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 710

You deserved it 1 255

By Phil - 28/05/2012 21:17 - Canada

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 506

You deserved it 3 224

By whatabitch - 16/09/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 568

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 15:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 7 688

By Stupid - 22/12/2014 07:45 - Australia - Bellerive

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 260

You deserved it 6 786

By Oblivious - 25/09/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 31 938

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 358

You deserved it 4 564

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 19:47 - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 565

You deserved it 2 470

By Veronica - 21/11/2014 20:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 321

You deserved it 4 770

By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 683

You deserved it 3 154

By hitnmiss66 - 28/05/2012 00:31 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 2 101

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 022

You deserved it 5 851

Pay up, dude

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I found out I had gotten a parking ticket while I was travelling a few months back in California. I moved since, so I didn’t know I had it so it increased to 200$ and when I told the guy who was actually driving the car about it, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 114

By RIP - 21/01/2017 12:00

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 514

You deserved it 1 838

By catlover - 16/06/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 13 491

By Sleepy - 31/05/2015 15:51 - United States - Apo

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 5 004

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 763

You deserved it 61 936

By AmPatt - 26/12/2016 16:06 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 673

You deserved it 802

By Alexis - 26/08/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 042

You deserved it 3 218

By bronieswillrule5eva - 11/06/2012 18:16 - Canada - Summerside

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 558

You deserved it 3 448

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 340

You deserved it 1 887

By anonymous - 11/04/2011 03:26

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 8 239

By Wititipwitpwit - 21/01/2009 10:03 - France

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 026

You deserved it 48 849

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 714

You deserved it 5 087

By Mia - 26/01/2019 02:00

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 2 322

By dundundadumb - 06/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 957

You deserved it 107 484

By neryc - 04/07/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 387

You deserved it 4 519

By UglyGirl - 08/11/2015 09:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 1 920

By wtf mom?! - 06/04/2019 12:00

Today, I completely lost it when I found out my mom was driving around with my 20-month-old daughter not sat in a car seat. She told me I was overreacting, and that everything was fine since she “prayed for a safe journey.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 611

You deserved it 212

By Blie - 04/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 4 028

By scared shitless in ohio - 25/09/2013 20:02 - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 741

You deserved it 5 511

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 19:44 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 456

You deserved it 1 358

By haappynewyear - 01/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 931

You deserved it 6 069

By Cristie - 30/09/2011 05:01 - Canada

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 375

You deserved it 3 509

By boostedsaab - 05/02/2010 05:35 - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 624

You deserved it 4 470

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 879

You deserved it 398

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 843

You deserved it 31 289

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:31

At least she's honest, she probably means it in a loving way. And now you know what you'll look like when you get old!

martialart1st18 19

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:47

How do you tell someone they're ugly in a loving way?

Comments

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:31

At least she's honest, she probably means it in a loving way. And now you know what you'll look like when you get old!

martialart1st18 19

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:47

How do you tell someone they're ugly in a loving way?

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:49

You don't. My momma repeatedly slammed a door in my face to make me beautiful. She took notes from SpongeBob.

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:52

".... at least you don't look like Marilyn Manson..."

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Saturday 8 March 2014 2:21

I mean that OP's grandmother may see a bit of herself in OP. she loves her. she cares about her. and being old she's a little more at peace with what she might call the truth and isn't afraid to say it haha. there's nothing wrong with any of that

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Saturday 8 March 2014 6:43

op's grandma is just sarcastic?

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Saturday 8 March 2014 12:49

What f it only gets worse?

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:31

wow. harsh. I'm sure your beautiful

laden_swallow09 34

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Saturday 8 March 2014 3:39

Unlike your English.

RamonTheGamer 7

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Saturday 8 March 2014 5:53

How was that bad English? The only mistake she made was using two periods

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Saturday 8 March 2014 6:03

#40- LOL? Can't tell if that was sarcasm. They didn't capitalize the first letter after a statement, and they used the wrong "your."

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Saturday 8 March 2014 6:20

2, maybe she really isn't....

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Saturday 8 March 2014 8:01

I think #34 also meant she used your when she should've used you're

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Saturday 8 March 2014 8:31

I hate when people say things like "I'm sure you're beautiful", "I'm sure you're smart" etc. Well, you know what? Most people aren't beautiful or smart. Most people are ugly and not very bright. We need to embrace who we are. I am ugly,. Why should I lie to myself? This is the only way to live a truly happy life. Stop worrying about little things like that!

sporteeholmes01 15

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Saturday 8 March 2014 19:35

I honestly do not get why the original comment got so many thumbs down....... It seems like they were only trying to be nice to the OP

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Monday 10 March 2014 14:30

I'm ugly and I'M PROUD!

RainbowShine_fml 18

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:32

don't believe grandma, her old eyes might have deceived her. I'm sure that you're a beautiful person.

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Saturday 8 March 2014 11:05

No, always believe your grandparents. They don't have filters so everything that comes out is from the heart!

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:34

that's so mean! Maybe she's just kidding;)

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:36

That's mean but at least she's honest

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:38

Old folks don't mince words OP...

infinitegrace 21

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:38

Aww, that's so sad! But I bet you're not ugly like she says.

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:39

Old people are just mad they're not young anymore. It happens.

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:40

Perhaps, in time, you too will come to accept it. Love your ugly self, OP!

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Saturday 8 March 2014 1:43

Ugly people, u gotta hate em

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 291