Love: Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing...

By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

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Love

Taking stock

Recycling helps

Boom, headshot

By black and yellow - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

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26857

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By Username

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

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26480

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By Kaite

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

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4516

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By cockblockedbyFB - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

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32684

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By Baustigt - Australia

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Watford

Horrendous website content

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after she found a disgusting and perverted porn site on my internet history. What was this site? Reddit. FML

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794

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118

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By mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

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26969

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By totalloss - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

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By JessBaby - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

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81854

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

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11445

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By Oregon

Does it taste good?

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

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2693

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491

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By HateTheBus

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2307

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193

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By rhythmbandit - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

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46017

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By Username - France

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

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54892

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By ShowerheadGirl - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

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10093

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By goodeyesight - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

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12317

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31594

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By carl_carl_ - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

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28725

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

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60551

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By canadiankc - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

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57288

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By fatblooddonor

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

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2033

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By can't eat paper - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

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46684

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By fishy situation

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

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4970

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

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29314

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By natalie_sarantos - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

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21723

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By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

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2777

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By kaydebug

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

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1852

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By TrashlifeKaylala

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

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1702

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

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29340

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

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26238

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By Julian - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

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11155

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By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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1594

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By Justwantedathankyou - United States - Loudon

Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML

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3463

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By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26141

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By panicked headaches - United States - East Lansing

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23314

You deserved it

2063

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By demaris - Canada

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

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29220

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By CEO - United States - Bristow

Dating is hell

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

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54501

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By healthfoodshmealthfood - United States

Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health-foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML

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Top comments

By Firetruck69 | 16

#6572056 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:48

That's kind of messed up. Why not just be honest?

By homesuckfucker | 28

#6572070 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:52

Yeah, that's pretty messed up. Congratulations, you've dug yourself into a deeper hole. Be honest and let her down easy, and don't be surprised if she lets everyone know how much of a douche you are.

COMMENTS

By Firetruck69 | 16

#6572056 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:48

That's kind of messed up. Why not just be honest?

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6572381 - Friday 1 April 2016 23:00

I agree. Bitchy move on your party OP.

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6572064 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:50

You wanted it to happen, so I don't see why that's an FML. No offense, but F your friend's life for having a friend like you.

By eaglerob | 20

#6572065 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:51

Coward. Be a man and be honest. She deserves better; you don't.

macy1998 | 2

#6573032 - Sunday 3 April 2016 2:15

We don't necessarily know it's a male...

scyth3s | 13

#6574485 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 5:06

Be a *adult and be honest. FTFY

liinkinparkfan97 | 34

#6722521 - Wednesday 14 December 2016 6:32

#54 - Yes we do actually, assuming that little male symbol next to OP's username is correct.

By Giraafe | 15

#6572066 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:51

You tried

llamallover | 2

#6572075 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:54

I think it's pretty clear he wasn't honest, he was trying to end a friendship, not start a relationship.

fakedsincerity | 32

#6572435 - Saturday 2 April 2016 1:03

Yeah, tried to be a cowardly piece of shit and succeeded.

By MissRaindrop | 20

#6572068 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:52

You are an awful person

By youdontsay123456 | 21

#6572069 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:52

Way to go. Don't be expecting any sympathy on this website. What a horrible thing to do

By homesuckfucker | 28

#6572070 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:52

Yeah, that's pretty messed up. Congratulations, you've dug yourself into a deeper hole. Be honest and let her down easy, and don't be surprised if she lets everyone know how much of a douche you are.

By Shay_Shay97 | 23

#6572072 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:53

Talk about an awkward conversation. Yikes.

jtrg | 5

#6583773 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 20:43

reciprocate?

By michellellelle | 11

#6572074 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:54

You're a terrible friend, they're better off without you

By EastCoastLez | 14

#6572076 - Friday 1 April 2016 14:55

Excuses & lies will get you nowhere in life. Next time, be honest & have a mature conversation with her.