Intimacy: Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came...

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 937

You deserved it 18 658

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 800

You deserved it 19 597

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 3 118

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 5 890

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 173

You deserved it 7 474

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 6 125

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 61 790

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 17 143

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 573

You deserved it 6 883

fmessiah 17

Monday 5 December 2011 8:38

Wipe up, and start again.

C19_fml 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

Well, better luck next time haha!

Comments

mbrooks5110 0

Monday 5 December 2011 16:03

That happens. Don't stress over it, just learn from it. I hope your girlfriend was understanding about it!

FMtechL 0

Monday 5 December 2011 17:04

Yeah.. Jerking off doesn't count.

kaykay20 0

Monday 5 December 2011 17:07

If it continues to happen think of things that will lower your excitement a bit.

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 5 December 2011 18:33

Was she fingering your bunhole?

mxrider4 0

Tuesday 6 December 2011 5:41

That's ****** up broski

JZ_156 0

Monday 5 December 2011 19:24

eatpraylovee44 0

Monday 5 December 2011 19:42

Dude be lucky, I wish my boyfriend would cum quicker. ;p

OochenSnoochen 15

Monday 5 December 2011 22:45

You are an evil person.

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 6 December 2011 0:16

Cum fiend.

AquaMan32 1

Monday 5 December 2011 20:01

just beat off more bro.

White_Knightspc 0

Monday 5 December 2011 20:29

That blows, oh wait...

ADub55 0

Monday 5 December 2011 21:14

Looks like you blew it.

Humanspider 18

Monday 5 December 2011 21:18

I am so sorry that happened. Maybe next time you will not be ready for the money shot before the action even starts.

Keywords

Video games Love Gamers Health Weird Gross First Dates Smells Technology Parents Annoying Kids Dogs Animals Jealousy AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Amazon Money Cute Birthday Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

The Top

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 210

You deserved it 3 633

Today, my best friend’s girlfriend took his phone and blocked me on Facebook, all because I wrote him a heartfelt Happy Birthday message on his wall. I found out because he messaged me from another account explaining what happened. She refuses to understand that we’re strictly platonic friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 140

The Top

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 2 923

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 840

You deserved it 5 185

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 549

You deserved it 3 054

Today, I noticed my ex was feeling down. We ended things on good terms and I've been wanting to start things up again, so I figured I'd bring him dinner to cheer him up and maybe hang out. Looks like he and his one night stand get to eat my home cooked food while I go home to Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 021

You deserved it 8 408

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 5 606

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 276

Same thing different taste

Nasty

First!

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