Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, since I've been enduring a sore throat, I got Chloraseptic lozenges to finally get a bit of relief. When I put one in my mouth, I nearly choked on it. Imagine that: trying to soothe your throat, and you almost die by accidentally obstructing it instead. The irony almost hurts even more than my throat does. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML
Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ladylilly25 20
Well, at least drunken you doesn't burn down orphanages or anything... just, you know, chews gum.
SexySlayer1248 18
Darwinism gives you the first one free
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (75)
senor_awesome 14
At least you aren't chewing on electrical cords any more OP. Step above, I suppose?
99megster 15
I had no idea that it was even possible to suffocate from chewing too much gum O.o You learn something new every day
FameNFortune 12
Lol . I like gum too !
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
Lol. I like pointless comments too!
Bostern 29
Am I the only one wondering what drinking less has to do with it?
99megster 15
He (or she) didn't pass out because he was drunk, he passed out because he tried to chew a whole pack of gum and nearly suffocated himself while he was drunk.
Bostern 29
Thanks, it makes way more sense now.
AngrySailor 17
Buy a gallon of vodka, a shit ton of bazooka Joe and peruse "Origin of Species". I give you less than 50 pages. Problem solved for the rest of us.
xtcolin 7
Was it Big League Chew? It was by far the best gum growing up as a kid.
Alexweber929 14
Sorry, your wrong, fruit stripe
Enslaved 38
Damn! Big League Chew flashback! (: I didn't even like baseball when I was a child but loved collecting those damn baseball cards!(:
MissMaddie69 5
Damn that extra gum and their silly slogans. "Eat. Drink. Chew"
cmac86 24
so that's what it feels like to chew 5 gum.
alitbaby 14
lol, yeah op... chew 5 gum not 5 million pieces xD
buckdharma 38
Drinking doubles and Double Bubble spell trouble.
qirde_15 5
you chewed the wrong gum