Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, since I've been enduring a sore throat, I got Chloraseptic lozenges to finally get a bit of relief. When I put one in my mouth, I nearly choked on it. Imagine that: trying to soothe your throat, and you almost die by accidentally obstructing it instead. The irony almost hurts even more than my throat does. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML
Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
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Top comments
ladylilly25 20
Well, at least drunken you doesn't burn down orphanages or anything... just, you know, chews gum.
SexySlayer1248 18
Darwinism gives you the first one free
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Comments (75)
SnoochBoochie 14
I get the vibe you did this alone, if thats the case YDI.
xRezSynn 15
You should know your limits.
buddy51 23
The world gene pool needs you to try this again....
Neongreenme 8
drink less or hang out with smarter friends? sounds like you were encouraged to do this stupid stunt.
w0rk3rj4ck 14
well, I once took 600 mg of caffeine when partying drunk. I wasn't sure I wouldn't die in heart failure either...
RAULFML6_6 10
don't stop drinking just chew less
gameover18 17
the darwin awards. Because lets get his genes out of the gene pool.
ALlamaOnFire 20
My father is in the book, (he's not dead but he almost was). I'm so proud /:
jjmiller1001 17
to bad you didn't
StEpHiE1226 12
Thinning the herd!!! :P
vbmg152 18
Let me tell you from experience, you need help! There are lots of great rehabs that take insurance or some will give you a reduced rate if you're poor! One day, you'll sit down & wish you had all the money & time you wasted on booze! I'd be rich right now if I had all that money back & my family wouldn't be screwed up!