Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, since I've been enduring a sore throat, I got Chloraseptic lozenges to finally get a bit of relief. When I put one in my mouth, I nearly choked on it. Imagine that: trying to soothe your throat, and you almost die by accidentally obstructing it instead. The irony almost hurts even more than my throat does. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML
Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
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Top comments
ladylilly25 20
Well, at least drunken you doesn't burn down orphanages or anything... just, you know, chews gum.
SexySlayer1248 18
Darwinism gives you the first one free
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Comments (75)
KiddNYC1O 20
Was it one of those six feet roll gum? So good...
cartedor 18
What? So were you chewing or drinking?
senor_awesome 14
OP was drinking at first, which led to a drunken state where he decided that chewing an entire pack of gum was a good idea. Whilst chewing said gum, they then passed out from the previously mentioned alcoholic consumption. While passed out, I am assuming they were on their back, which caused gravity to move the gum into a prime suffocating position. He then woke up and managed to not die.
outoftown 26
You're half way there. With the username Anonymous, you just have to add Alcoholics. Hope you can get help soon.
drkrissy1331 12
There id AA for that!
itsgen 16
You are a dumbass
galefrog 3
There are safer things to put in your mouth drunk ;)
BoredomIsReal 13
Drink less? You should chew less
daemonsparta 16
like you said op...should drink less...ydi