Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
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Top comments
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
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Comments (192)
HeavenKD 3
Oops I meant Iron and Steel
babygirlc1 5
Why isn't he allowed to go to school?
dinodrew 0
My little brother did that with a thumb tact. I laughed as my dad did that for two weeks. Lol
cyphi1 2
Sounds like someone had a screw loose...but decided to eaten it rather than tighten it.
cyphi1 2
Sounds like someone had a screw loose...but decided to eat it rather than tighten it.
emodude44 0
5 days? 1: The screw would have passed through his system by that point 2: He may be lying to get out of school 3: Why search his poo when you can buy another screw? 4: Most 7 year olds aren't that stupid.
LilaBear 2
I think the point is that he keeps eating weird things every day. But yes, I agree, he's possibly lying to get out of going to school. Or maybe he does keep eating weird things to get out of going to school.
cas85 1
Shoulda got that abortion.
Coccinelle_fml 15
Why does a 7-year-old have a scooter? Especially one that swallows shit?
bhangu023 0
Ever think he's just lying that he did since he knows he gets to stay home?
xgetxbentx 13
He needs to see a doctor, at 7 he should be way past the stage of putting everything in his mouth. I really worry about your parenting skills if this has happened 5days in a row and you haven't got any medical attention...
zarkx_fml 0
exactly