Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
carleilam 3
He didn't swallow the screw he just wants to stay home! Duh!
GirlHeartsBoy 0
Ew, why would you search his poo? A screw is easily & cheaply replaced. I assume you weren't looking because you were worried about your kid, as you could have taken him to the doctors/hospital to be x-rayed or checked out... sifting through poo isn't going to save him if the screw punctured something or got stuck inside him.
hayleyak 0
That is nasty
MyWhangZinYu 3
Bring his ass to the doctor dumbass
dtemple1110 6
Um, hey stupid. You don't have to bring your kid to the doctor for that. They would just tell you to wait for it to pass anyways.
AjsMommy7204 6
Ok.. So I wonder.. maybe hes trying to get attention.. what if hes the middle child of say 6 kids.. he might just want to have time with his parents.. my grandpa use to say kids want attention no matter how they get it.. being good and/or in this case bad... i have to say i know what hes talking about now that im a parent.. the kid i bet just wanted it to be about him.. if hes in a big family .
TKello 6
Huh, my first thought was that the kid is doing stupid things like this to avoid school since he may be getting picked on. Didn't know there was an actual mental condition. :O I learned something on FML!
momo1972 3
That's not easy to remember sometimes, they taste so good
fbethslife 21
He might have Pica, a mental disorder where people eat things that aren't food. OP needs to get him to the doctor and find out before he eats something really dangerous. Of course, I swallowed a Barbie shoe when I was a kid, and I learned my lesson and turned out fine. lol
mcwj8329 0
y does his scooter have loose screws ..with loose screws on a scooter he could of got hurt but in ur sitation he swallowed it
bubo_fml 11
That's some screwy shit!!