Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
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Top comments
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
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Comments (192)
leadman1989 16
A beautiful mind... That our you're not feeding him. No that gluten free, sugar free, mega organic bull is not food.
DocBastard 40
I put this comment through my Idiot-to-English Translation Engine, and it just said "Uh...what?"
sadistmonkey 19
Man, your Idiot-to-English Translation Engine sucks! Mine says...hmm...it also says "Uh...what?". Damn.
meowitzer 0
Uhhh, yes, because the sugar and chemical compound loaded items you seem to eat, are?
leadman1989 16
My tongue was firmly in my cheek when I made that comment.
leadman1989 16
What ISN'T a "chemical compound"? Are you telling me vegetation doesn't have "chemical compounds" in them, oh you're one of those ignorant if it's "natural" it must be better for you people. Some of the time the option with MORE sugar is the natural one since artificial sweeteners are sweeter they can use less... It's just the fiber in the foods themselves help to decrease the negative impact. So it all comes down to portion control and balance.
HumanFreakshow 5
make him search through his own poop!
leadman1989 16
If he finds it he'll just re-eat it... O.o
skyeyez9 25
I would make him search his own poop. Maybe it will help him to not "forget" to eat stuff like that.
dadof2 4
ummm feed the kid and mabe just mabe he wouldnt put strange things in his mouth
Ray_of_midnight 23
This, too, shall pass.
w2tds 1
Maybe he has problems at school? Kids his age don't know how to express themselves, so they channel their negative feelings to something else, like eating things that are not edible. This condition actually has a medical name, but I can't remember it.
Bloodlvst 11
You couldn't splurge the $1.50 for a new screw?
gunner2590 0
That kid is a genius. He figured out at age 7 that he can stay home from school if he swallows small objects. I tip my hat to that kid.
Madiluvsyuh98 2
So why are you looking in his poop?
meowitzer 0
It's called Pica and tends to have to do with severe anemia....doctor??