Miscellaneous: Today, for our 2-year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful...

By lame - 20/10/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, for our 2-year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful $400 necklace. She bought me a pink $5 shirt of Elton John riding a piano through space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 218

You deserved it 7 523

Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Taking stock

Landlords…

By disappointed - 23/07/2012 01:05

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 4 191

By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 58 913

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 791

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 609

By snow - 22/09/2009 09:12 - Australia

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 757

You deserved it 6 760

By Sally - 26/01/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 151

You deserved it 5 325

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 114

You deserved it 1 449

By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 845

You deserved it 8 246

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 4 070

Laundry drama

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:08 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I did laundry with one of my new white sweaters and other light-colored clothes. After it all went through the dryer, I found out there are now dark shades on it and it looks like a years-old old sweater, and can't be cleaned. I didn't even get a chance to put it on once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 676

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 12 142

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 21:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 2 936

By OneYearMistake. - 22/07/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 530

You deserved it 6 071

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to break up with me. Immediately after we hung up, I started crying hysterically. I thought I dialed my best friend, and as soon as the line picked up, I yelled, "That motherfucker broke up with me!" My now ex-boyfriend replied, "Yeah, I know I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 715

You deserved it 20 473

By iceman123432 - 02/09/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 064

You deserved it 4 221

By risingtide - 20/11/2018 15:30

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking the wrong metro twice, only to find out that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 320

You deserved it 1 141

By brokeforever - 18/03/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 535

You deserved it 12 259

Sliding down

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 07:59

Today, I had way too much to drink at a work picnic and started crying at about my ex, who cheated on me, while sitting on top of a slide at a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 1 083

Happy Anniversary!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 06:00

Today, it was my first anniversary with my husband. Not only were we mad at each other and not speaking the whole day, he doesn't even remember and spent the night out with his friends instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 257

By Sigh - 19/02/2013 17:13 - United Kingdom - Waltham Abbey

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 819

You deserved it 2 597

Not so anal retentive then…

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 22:00 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 286

You deserved it 719

By isystuff - 01/02/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 3 208

In these times

By Dee Dee - 22/05/2020 08:00

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 122

Oh, hello…

By superclutz - 07/07/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 375

You deserved it 21 098

By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 281

You deserved it 3 815

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 274

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 215

You deserved it 37 844

By KMKWEEN - 16/02/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 843

You deserved it 10 640

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 689

You deserved it 9 660

By Stranded - 17/07/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 786

You deserved it 6 710

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 904

You deserved it 2 344

By blah - 15/02/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 796

You deserved it 3 799

By rmL - 13/10/2008 08:31

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 912

You deserved it 41 478

By drivingmecrazy - 28/05/2015 01:28 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 7 246

By AuraOfJustice - 12/03/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 189

You deserved it 9 824

Cake, eating it…

By Go_There - 26/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm in an open marriage and had to admit to myself that I caught feels for my "friend with benefits" who was only interested in the "benefits" part and I had to break it off. I already miss the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 287

Get a load of this nerd!

By Igballoon2 - 23/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was told that school was cancelled for the rest of the year. School is/was my one place of escape, and the only distraction in my life. It's now not going to be an escape until September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 254

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 242

You deserved it 274

Selfish

By Anonymous - 31/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 498

You deserved it 420

By bummer - 25/11/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 649

You deserved it 2 159

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Top comments

Incubuss 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:07

It's the thought that counts right? And besides.. that shirt sounds EPIC.

configurator 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:04

Space pianos FTW

configurator 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:04

Space pianos FTW

iKaite 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:25

Did it make you feel like a candle in the wind?

liveBabylon 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:51

ahahah Aww a candle in the wind :( It's O.K maybe tonight you'll get more then you think ;)

dukain94 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 23:51

I am missing the point here.. a pink elton john shirt?! Win.

RubixMonkey 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 23:56

I guess you can ask the question, "Can you feel the love tonight?"

phiniusmaster 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 0:10

Social Norms FTW lmao

leiziueyes 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 16:12

does anyone know where I can find that shirt? I REALLY want it!

amazingkate 0

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Thursday 22 October 2009 21:22

yeah, i have a feeling that shirt is worth more than 5 bucks.

happyhak 5

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Monday 3 May 2010 10:21

Shes a woman, OP, what do you expect?

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Wednesday 31 July 2013 20:23

If it was the GF giving a great gift and the BF with the shitty gift, pretty sure everyone would be flooding the comments about the boyfriend being an ,'a-hole', or 'fyl'.

cocainewhore 30

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Sunday 22 June 2014 12:32

The shirts for sale here for £25 so it's worth a lot more than $5

Kittiecat511 14

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Sunday 21 September 2014 6:02

I guess u can say he has been "blessed" with such a wonderful shirt.

awoodenhouse 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:06

HAHAHAHAHA most thoughtful gf ever. revenge: strangulation by necklace

pwner64 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 0:57

why is it almost half the posters are psycotic

bberg01 5

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Monday 26 April 2010 6:38

it's the thought that counts:)

lenkab123 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 6:18

yupp. agreed

Incubuss 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:07

It's the thought that counts right? And besides.. that shirt sounds EPIC.

LoveDemon 19

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:59

yes ... true . Even a 5 $ shirt given with love is a great gift .

Nex_Iuguolo 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 21:25

I believe that thoughts are that you're a pussy.

yupitssoph 18

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 7:13

Seriously are you fucking kidding me I would LOVE to get that shirt

Jess_Love 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:09

get over it. so she didn't buy you something expensive, does that really mean you're life if fucked? i think not.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 21:23

Exactly. I hate how people are so materialistic! Do you like the shirt? Was it thoughtful? Did it mean something? Does she have to spends $1000 for her to prove her love? I do see how it would be annoying to spend 400 and get 5 in return but hey, maybe she doesn't have the money. Oor she could repay you in other ways ;)

oh_dee 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 21:34

my thoughts exactly. not everybody can afford a $400 necklace. i know i could barely afford a $5 dollar t-shirt. really, it is the thought that counts. she didn't have to buy anything for you!

somebodyshy 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:11

come on, that shirt is awesome! FHL for getting a necklace she'll never wear but feels too guilty to get rid of!

frankienajera 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:12

2 years and you have not proposed? obviously she is trying to tell you something with the pick elton john shirt. Survey says "Gay!"

awoodenhouse 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:23

survey says you're a dumbass

arsenalfcboy 6

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:26

You're kidding me, right? Propose after 2 years? Who proposes after 2 years???

thekraken 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:21

I like elton john.

genki008 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:21

girlfriend FTW

BurnDammit 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:21

Oh god,OP,you want too much :/ Atleast she remembered and gave you something. She might also be struggling with money.I might of clicked 'FYL' if she'd be a milionare.