Brain fart

Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

Doofus

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML