Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML
Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
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Top comments
KeithHarris 0
Serves you right for wearing fake animals. Next time wear the real thing so you'll at least deserve getting pelted with fake animal blood. :-D PETA members are dicks.
michellaneous 0
whats with the red liquids lately? well, PETA is a bit extreme, but they shouldn't be going around bombarding people with red liquids!
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Comments (510)
thuryn 2
HUG. THEM. Spreads the red paint right back all over them. Then just keep hugging them until the cops show up and you can file charges. ;)
Gotz_No_Love 1
i'm an animal lover (not like that). i think that most PETA members are dicks.
chitoryu12 0
Everyone but PETA members thinks they're dicks. Attacking someone with fake blood isn't just rude. It's illegal, and you could easily get them for harrasment, assault (yes, they will charge you with assault for throwing liquids at someone), and maybe damaging personal property.
worstlifevuh 0
I f*ng hate PETA members..
azzh0le 0
Wow, this confirms my belief that PETA members are the most worthless sacks of sh*t imaginable...Someone should take a huge amount of real blood to one of their conventions and dump it all over them or something...
blondiee09 0
well I hope you called the cops and had them arrested
brunions 0
thats why i carry my jackknife
Trevorrodelli 0
PETA, Where the hell do you guys get this hippie, liberal, commie propaganda. I’d sure like to believe that there are not people out there stupid enough to write this shit, let alone believe the stuff that you guys say. Ok, so maybe I got off on the wrong foot, let me tackle every autistic claim of yours one by one and respond to it to let you know what the truth of the situation is. But before I go any further, I assume that you might be ignorant and closeminded enough as to stop reading this email half-way through for one reason or another, but I would like you to hear me out and respond to this (assuming you can formulate a sentence that isn’t 110% bullshit, this assumption I base off what I’ve read on your site.). I am sympathetic with you time restraints so I will make this brief as to not interfere with your ostrich fondling schedule.
alannalove2009 0
make sure your fake fur is actually fake fur. then if it is i dont see why you couldn't wear it. sue those dumb PETA bitches who messed up your jacket b/c they totally assaulted you.
hawkman 0
If they did that to me I would have ******* knocked them out