Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
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Top comments
ananamoose 0
keep fighting til death... that's my advice next time don't wake up, if you wake up the zombies win!!!! Dont let them win!!!!
Intoxicunt 6
If you bust your own nose while fighting, I wouldn't suggest taking the zombies on anytime soon.
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Comments (128)
shadesofblue 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....... thanks.
deadboy73 0
damn, you must be crazy
f_my_effing_life 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you made my day(:
8IGHTY8 0
woah !! u punched urself and were still sleeping!!!!
FMyArse 0
Are you sure you did nothing to piss your mum off during the day? Mums are sneaky you know: as other people have pointed out - the body is paralysed during rem sleep. It would be the best way go get a couple of "free ones" off on your face and then make up some story about you punching yourself in your sleep...
zeal 0
Wow, the mental image I formed while reading this FML was enough to make me laugh out loud. "UGGH DIE ZOMBIES" *punches self in face "UGGH THAT HURT! TAKE THIS!" *punches self in face again *repeats XD
solocredere12 4
Hahaha! This is funny, but still F your life for punching yourself lol.
leofan15 0
LMAOOO at #77
amstillives 0
Your such a gringo.. Go take a lap..
Leaveittosteven 0
fake