Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 98

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 88

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 39

02/08/2015 19:45

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 354

You deserved it 3 433

ChildishKeynote 13

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 16:35

Thank you for your support guys. I can confirm that she in fact hates my guts at this moment in time

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

Scammers gonna scam

17/02/2009 01:11

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 915

You deserved it 6 057

20/10/2013 07:06

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 195

You deserved it 4 858

25/09/2012 13:38

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 447

You deserved it 2 928

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 84

05/08/2013 21:36

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 636

You deserved it 7 307

08/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 593

You deserved it 3 194

17/12/2011 06:49

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 705

You deserved it 4 935

06/10/2009 21:31

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 707

You deserved it 8 897

14/08/2012 18:12

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 840

You deserved it 1 901

19/08/2010 05:16

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 202

You deserved it 5 375

26/03/2012 01:10

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 2 564

23/09/2015 01:06

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 2 068

26/08/2013 15:16

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 827

You deserved it 14 777

23/08/2009 04:48

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 148

You deserved it 16 988

24/02/2014 19:36

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 387

You deserved it 4 624

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

By Rusty Armstrong - 17/08/2020 05:01

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 148

05/02/2010 06:25

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 116

You deserved it 3 562

30/05/2009 12:48

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 337

You deserved it 71 622

10/08/2013 18:41

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 3 066

05/08/2009 13:37

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 849

You deserved it 86 565

23/07/2009 19:16

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 370

You deserved it 6 322

Is this Woody Allen?

By ShockedToDeath - 08/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 132

25/02/2016 22:09

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 180

You deserved it 4 462

08/11/2014 20:33

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 053

You deserved it 30 366

17/06/2017 06:00

Today, marks the third month that I have not received payment for work I did on web pages for a hospital chain. They owe me over $1,000. It will cost twice that to get a lawyer to force them to pay me what I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 346

28/12/2015 20:15

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 821

You deserved it 1 616

22/06/2013 20:55

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 654

You deserved it 12 787

09/02/2010 14:26

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 180

You deserved it 7 390

26/05/2013 14:15

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 8 028

30/07/2013 01:32

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 9 361

19/06/2010 18:53

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 857

You deserved it 3 587

04/02/2010 05:02

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 2 905

22/10/2017 06:00

Today, I spent 2 hours painstakingly making a berry tart for my best friend. As I was taking it out of the oven, the glass dish slipped from my hands and shattered all over the kitchen floor. Now I have no tart and I owe her housemate a new dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 774

You deserved it 465

12/08/2010 11:00

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 47 297

26/09/2010 07:20

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 5 615

Daydream believer

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 17:01

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 861

Release the tapes!

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 00:01

Today, for the second time in my life, I fell and got stuck between my wall and my bed wrapped in a blanket, mad. Instead of helping me, my brother just took videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 279

17/11/2010 18:02

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 794

You deserved it 7 653

21/11/2014 03:25

Spicy

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 114

You deserved it 17 544

09/01/2012 18:53

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 4 340

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

I_Bite 22

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:14

Depends how you look at it, you could get her number so you can check how she's recovering and tell her you'd like to take her to dinner to make up for it

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:11

This could either be the demise of any future endeavors or a great story to tell about how you guys met. Best of luck OP

Comments

captain_crook 17

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:10

Oops looks like your chances with her just got Dunked. cue downvotes :P

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:13

ask and you shall receive

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:21

And here I thought OP was the one that dropped the ball...

ScarredVox92 16

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 20:00

See, that is how a pun is executed.

uncle_ssaamm 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 4 August 2015 2:10

op has a chance to talk to her again if he asks her how shes doing... he could easily take her out to eat or something as an apology and then its a win .. sort of lol

davincidasecond 24

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:11

Not all is fair in love and basketball.

whitnayfortooh 29

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 16:15

smooth

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 23:01

Why Tf did this get down voted? Funniest thing I've read on fml today

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 August 2015 19:17

OP was on the same team as the girl. It might have been funnier if she wasn't

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:11

This could either be the demise of any future endeavors or a great story to tell about how you guys met. Best of luck OP

trollcrusher 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 4 August 2015 6:21

Heck, maybe OP could've offered to drive her to the ER, then made up for the accident later by taking her out on a date or two! But that's just the romantic in me... in reality, I imagine it to be far more likely that he stammered an apology and eventually walked away, simmering with an agonizing blend of shame, remorse, and mortification.

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:13

Just apologize and carry out with asking for her number, no one can say you didn't try!

I_Bite 22

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:14

Depends how you look at it, you could get her number so you can check how she's recovering and tell her you'd like to take her to dinner to make up for it

mrlawlor7777 26

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:14

What the hell's the matter with you? It's only a game, focker.

lurker_no_more 13

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 10:41

Looks like some people here doesn't recognize the movie quote, thumbs up from me :)

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 10:47

I love deniro and I love the fockers.

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:15

alley-oops

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:20

That there my friend may be a foot in the door. Make sure you follow up and see how she is doing. Send her some flowers with a note apologising for what happend and hopefully it may be the start of a good thing... Good luck OP and I hope she is ok!

Send a private message

Monday 3 August 2015 9:26

Ball pun... naah broken stuff pun ... naah You can still ask for her number to check on her nose.

amileah13 26

Monday 3 August 2015 9:27

Oh no! That's awful poor thing to the both of you! It was an accident she has to know that hopefully it's something you guys can get past if you were to date at all, but good luck op and just know it was an accident!