Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he...

By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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38818

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Love

Serious times

It's the thought that counts

In the zone

By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

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1078

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687

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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51547

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

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9602

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By Tyr88 - Australia - Blakehurst

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

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4468

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1540

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By Anonymous - United States

Conspiracy.

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

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5536

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425

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By Disturbed son

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2951

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178

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By hozzyandie - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32581

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By meat is meat

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

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2222

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By SadSister:( - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34764

You deserved it

3020

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By maebyf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

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43869

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8336

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By number2 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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29725

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3277

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By Fresca11 - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

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46380

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By creepingjennie - 7/6/2020 02:11

Because I'm worth it

Today, I discovered that head lice shampoo can remove the dye from your hair. FML

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1064

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386

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By Phantommajik - United States

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30724

You deserved it

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By dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29696

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2719

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By CoyoteOldOne - 12/9/2020 08:59 - United States - Denver

DIY decoration tips

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "F*** off! Sharps! Do not f***ing touch! Go away! Do not f***ing throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1029

You deserved it

263

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By Wellfu - Europe

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33942

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2696

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By meep

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4736

You deserved it

409

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By human

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

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217

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By quit fucking up my life - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

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48538

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4886

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By soo

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

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26150

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By anyonmus - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

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42182

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9663

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By pregnantapparently - United States - Durham

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24868

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By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00

Not a cheating!

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo.

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3946

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443

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By Anonymous - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

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26116

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45197

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By children ain't pawns - Australia - Perth

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10833

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975

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By robbedonCTA - United States

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

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40985

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7653

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By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 08:00 - United States

Broke

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1013

You deserved it

104

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4576

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291

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By tryingtobepretty101 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27084

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By I'veRunOuttaPatience

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2865

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193

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By okthen - 10/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

One day with him

Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years...by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

914

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1640

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58598

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5666

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By jalisc512 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42325

You deserved it

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By lostintdot - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47854

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5129

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By eightleggedtictac - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48677

You deserved it

6831

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31789

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2167

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By wife - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37247

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8656

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By poked - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

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63782

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4122

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Top comments

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

By fuhckmylyfe | 0

#1286866 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:37

oh hunny he didn't have that girlfriend only 16 seconds ago..

COMMENTS

By swglol | 0

#1286745 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

How could he!

RoxRoidz | 0

#2290663 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:19

Quick flirting there.

FML102938 | 8

#3101140 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:21

I love the K.....
K......
K.....

FML102938 | 8

#3101144 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:23

Someone fuck my brains out I'm so horny

By tunkinz09 | 0

#1286746 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

that sucks

By ToastGurl | 0

#1286747 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:10

You're better off without him.

By HamsteronA | 0

#1286753 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

such a long time he's had a new gf

By imemerald | 3

#1286755 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

Um, he probably had one before that...and that's why you're on the curb now...fyl :(

By lbdancing | 2

#1286791 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

By nikkkkkki | 0

#1286793 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

move on he dosnt deserve you

By liuiam13 | 2

#1286795 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

tough luck

By fmlbrooo | 0

#1286797 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

YDI For Dating A Facebook Whoreee.

anorexicbarbie | 8

#1287927 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:35

Why The Fuck Do You Type Like This?

nyc718 | 0

#1288170 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:48

lmfao @ 75. Please do answer the question

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289780 - Monday 23 August 2010 12:57

Why The Fuck Are You Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt

fmlbrooo | 0

#1292020 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 0:13

Kus I Fuckingg Feel Like It (; & Kus Hello Kitty's Cute. DUH .

Ludii_fml | 0

#1294224 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:14

Well you look like a dumbass. Hello Kitty is for 5 year olds. DUH.

fmlbrooo | 0

#1297190 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:47

Haha , The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Get Outta' Here Dude If Your Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

fmlbrooo | 0

#1298048 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:28

Haha, The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Gtfo Heree Dude If Yur Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

BeachPanda | 0

#1287208 - Monday 23 August 2010 1:14

i shall find those ninjas!!

hippieluva | 0

#1288063 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:15

lol. I'm still trying to find the ninjas!!! even though I bet there isn't any in the picture.

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289798 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:01

aren't any* yeah i failef at finding them too :/

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289805 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:02

failed* fail.