Love: Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he...

By mollyeyers - 22/08/2010 17:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 849

You deserved it 3 496

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Freaked out

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 6 254

By Anonymous - 28/10/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 421

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 131

By Fenny - 27/02/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 371

You deserved it 74 446

By fecurtis - 22/01/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 414

You deserved it 37 319

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 554

You deserved it 6 351

By fatcheeks - 02/03/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 320

You deserved it 4 155

By happy21sttome - 15/06/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 313

You deserved it 2 394

By Dlord357 - 07/11/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 982

You deserved it 3 989

Send help

By Virginy - 01/11/2014 01:26 - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 2 604

By me - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 979

You deserved it 35 294

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 13:59

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 2 690

By DeActivated - 04/05/2013 00:39 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 134

You deserved it 5 940

By ihatekids - 14/07/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 844

You deserved it 1 188

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 122

You deserved it 21 737

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 19:59

Today, my teenage son reacted to the news of his cousin's death like I’d just told him a bug got squashed on a car windscreen. He didn’t even look away from his computer screen, or react in any way. He seemed more annoyed that I’d interrupted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 156

By clingmaster - 09/09/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 4 649

Give it away

By zobara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 865

You deserved it 3 993

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 4 865

By Insomnia - 16/02/2019 00:00

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 206

By ohIlike - 15/09/2009 12:10 - Australia

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 7 528

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 05:15

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 098

You deserved it 12 371

What do y'all want?

By ladymichee - 07/07/2021 14:01

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 60

Fight!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 06:00

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 171

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 387

You deserved it 38 039

By ElaborateScheme - 14/08/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 679

You deserved it 1 121

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 907

You deserved it 6 146

By MyPoorEyes - 19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 3 746

By romantic84 - 31/05/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 661

You deserved it 38 842

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 14:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 326

You deserved it 6 644

By Michigan - 05/02/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 668

You deserved it 4 850

By insomniacap - 30/12/2014 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 4 946

By What am I doing with my life? - 22/05/2014 16:47 - United States - Aurora

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 539

You deserved it 4 844

By Rebecca - 16/01/2012 00:36 - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 618

You deserved it 41 331

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, I went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign. She pointed to it and said it was "Foreshadowing our relationship". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 823

You deserved it 3 503

By balancestrikesagain - 24/04/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 344

You deserved it 10 712

By why - 20/01/2018 15:00

Today, I was suspended for "selling drugs on campus". I was trying to give the school nurse approved medication for my severe epilepsy. I'm suspended for 3 weeks and have to go to a drug seminar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 315

You deserved it 278

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Top comments

JINJANINJA 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

fuhckmylyfe 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:37

oh hunny he didn't have that girlfriend only 16 seconds ago..

swglol 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

How could he!

RoxRoidz 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 5:19

Quick flirting there.

FML102938 8

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Saturday 13 August 2011 18:21

I love the K..... K...... K.....

FML102938 8

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Saturday 13 August 2011 18:23

Someone fuck my brains out I'm so horny

tunkinz09 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

that sucks

ToastGurl 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:10

You're better off without him.

HamsteronA 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

such a long time he's had a new gf

imemerald 3

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

Um, he probably had one before that...and that's why you're on the curb now...fyl :(

lbdancing 2

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

nikkkkkki 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

move on he dosnt deserve you

liuiam13 2

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

tough luck

fmlbrooo 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

YDI For Dating A Facebook Whoreee.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Monday 23 August 2010 4:35

Why The Fuck Do You Type Like This?

nyc718 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 5:48

lmfao @ 75. Please do answer the question

Ludii_fml 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 12:57

Why The Fuck Are You Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt

fmlbrooo 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 0:13

Kus I Fuckingg Feel Like It (; & Kus Hello Kitty's Cute. DUH .

Ludii_fml 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:14

Well you look like a dumbass. Hello Kitty is for 5 year olds. DUH.

fmlbrooo 0

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:47

Haha , The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Get Outta' Here Dude If Your Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

fmlbrooo 0

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:28

Haha, The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Gtfo Heree Dude If Yur Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

JINJANINJA 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

BeachPanda 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 1:14

i shall find those ninjas!!

hippieluva 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 5:15

lol. I'm still trying to find the ninjas!!! even though I bet there isn't any in the picture.

Ludii_fml 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 13:01

aren't any* yeah i failef at finding them too :/

Ludii_fml 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 13:02

failed* fail.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 2 127

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 192

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