Love: Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he...

By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

Jonah begs to differ

By drugsforthugs - United States - Sierra Madre

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

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By Toomuchisoutofcontrol

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

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6395

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By f u doc - 30/9/2020 17:01 - United States

Time's up

Today, I had two different doctor's appointments with different specialists at the same hospital. Doctor #1 kept me waiting so long doctor #2 refused to see me. I tried to explain I was in the building and why I was late, but he wouldn’t hear it. I’d already waited 4 months for these appointments. FML

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By siciliano12594 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

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26992

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By lolo - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

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12087

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By really?? - United States - Dinuba

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 05:00 - United States - Elyria

Crank time

Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling really down or pissed off, even when I cry. FML

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427

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By toastedguy - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

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By mike h - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Moving On - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

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24506

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By TooFast - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

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1756

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By Peekaboo - United States

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

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30909

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 02:00

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

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1439

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By JRock - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

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46809

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By Stunned - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

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32931

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By heartbroken - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

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30534

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By Peekaman - United States

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

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20966

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By OfCourse - United States

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

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73150

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By ScarletBuckeye

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

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10424

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By duped - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

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16175

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By helloitsbrian6969 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

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46945

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By That1FamousWRX - 7/2/2021 05:01 - United States

Whatcha doin' up there?

Today, I went to pull a nose hair out, only to end up pulling a spider out by its legs. FML

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1116

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By lululee53 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

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8253

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By biscuit - United Kingdom

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

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22359

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By BearGrillz - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

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36239

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By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

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58947

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By _/ | \_ - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

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44335

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Not now, please

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

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By youredisgusting - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

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33974

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

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27820

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By 1234567898765432 - Canada

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

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113034

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By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

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38280

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By StinkFoot

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

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2760

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By a - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

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95820

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By fuck you right back, cockspit - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

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48560

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By kat, ACT - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

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27421

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

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Top comments

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

By fuhckmylyfe | 0

#1286866 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:37

oh hunny he didn't have that girlfriend only 16 seconds ago..

COMMENTS

By swglol | 0

#1286745 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

How could he!

RoxRoidz | 0

#2290663 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:19

Quick flirting there.

FML102938 | 8

#3101140 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:21

I love the K.....
K......
K.....

FML102938 | 8

#3101144 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:23

Someone fuck my brains out I'm so horny

By tunkinz09 | 0

#1286746 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

that sucks

By ToastGurl | 0

#1286747 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:10

You're better off without him.

By HamsteronA | 0

#1286753 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

such a long time he's had a new gf

By imemerald | 3

#1286755 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

Um, he probably had one before that...and that's why you're on the curb now...fyl :(

By lbdancing | 2

#1286791 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

By nikkkkkki | 0

#1286793 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

move on he dosnt deserve you

By liuiam13 | 2

#1286795 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

tough luck

By fmlbrooo | 0

#1286797 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

YDI For Dating A Facebook Whoreee.

anorexicbarbie | 8

#1287927 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:35

Why The Fuck Do You Type Like This?

nyc718 | 0

#1288170 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:48

lmfao @ 75. Please do answer the question

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289780 - Monday 23 August 2010 12:57

Why The Fuck Are You Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt

fmlbrooo | 0

#1292020 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 0:13

Kus I Fuckingg Feel Like It (; & Kus Hello Kitty's Cute. DUH .

Ludii_fml | 0

#1294224 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:14

Well you look like a dumbass. Hello Kitty is for 5 year olds. DUH.

fmlbrooo | 0

#1297190 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:47

Haha , The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Get Outta' Here Dude If Your Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

fmlbrooo | 0

#1298048 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:28

Haha, The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Gtfo Heree Dude If Yur Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

BeachPanda | 0

#1287208 - Monday 23 August 2010 1:14

i shall find those ninjas!!

hippieluva | 0

#1288063 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:15

lol. I'm still trying to find the ninjas!!! even though I bet there isn't any in the picture.

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289798 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:01

aren't any* yeah i failef at finding them too :/

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289805 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:02

failed* fail.