Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he...

By mollyeyers - 22/8/2010 17:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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Love

Great boyfriend

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Night terrors

By Juancames3 - 23/5/2018 01:30

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

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By Missy - 9/9/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

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By Dentedbumper - 7/3/2019 14:00

Today, I tried to back my car into my parking space while some of my neighbors were out by their cars. I accidentally rammed into the retaining wall behind my spot. I was hoping the neighbors didn't notice the huge crunching sound, but they did. FML

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By cloud7 - 27/12/2011 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

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By swtkiss1 - 18/2/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

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By bringthemback - 29/3/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

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By lmiller - 24/1/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

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By Headphones - 21/7/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

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By BadatDIY - 16/11/2009 14:04 - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By julie24 - 30/5/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

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By Xpload - 29/1/2014 18:26 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

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By /(•'_'•)\ - 7/9/2013 16:59 - United States - Ballwin

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

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By daddy-o - 14/3/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

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By mathgenius - 8/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

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By badsinger - 4/6/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

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By thanksforthat - 10/1/2013 23:11 - United States - Tunkhannock

Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML

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By embarrassed - 18/11/2010 02:31

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

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By thanksmom - 1/5/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

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By shygurl434 - 15/3/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

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By Mike - 11/9/2019 04:01 - United States - Burlington

Drama Llama

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

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By gwengas - 30/7/2014 06:51 - France - Saint-ouen-des-alleux

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

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By PictureLess - 10/1/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

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By Nicole - 9/5/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - 29/7/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2009 21:37 - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

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By screwedupfuck - 27/3/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

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By Jen - 20/3/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

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By jhulich - 24/12/2013 20:48 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2016 12:46 - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 23:02

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

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By Skoff - 23/7/2015 09:44 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

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By StevieMe - 8/4/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

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By laury - 9/5/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

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By twoheadedboy - 6/5/2009 20:46 - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

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By donutsex - 5/8/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

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By NoBasement4U - 26/11/2015 20:24 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

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Top comments

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

By fuhckmylyfe | 0

#1286866 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:37

oh hunny he didn't have that girlfriend only 16 seconds ago..

COMMENTS

By swglol | 0

#1286745 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

How could he!

RoxRoidz | 0

#2290663 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:19

Quick flirting there.

FML102938 | 8

#3101140 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:21

I love the K.....
K......
K.....

FML102938 | 8

#3101144 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:23

Someone fuck my brains out I'm so horny

By tunkinz09 | 0

#1286746 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:09

that sucks

By ToastGurl | 0

#1286747 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:10

You're better off without him.

By HamsteronA | 0

#1286753 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

such a long time he's had a new gf

By imemerald | 3

#1286755 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:11

Um, he probably had one before that...and that's why you're on the curb now...fyl :(

By lbdancing | 2

#1286791 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

By nikkkkkki | 0

#1286793 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

move on he dosnt deserve you

By liuiam13 | 2

#1286795 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:13

tough luck

By fmlbrooo | 0

#1286797 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

YDI For Dating A Facebook Whoreee.

anorexicbarbie | 8

#1287927 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:35

Why The Fuck Do You Type Like This?

nyc718 | 0

#1288170 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:48

lmfao @ 75. Please do answer the question

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289780 - Monday 23 August 2010 12:57

Why The Fuck Are You Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt

fmlbrooo | 0

#1292020 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 0:13

Kus I Fuckingg Feel Like It (; & Kus Hello Kitty's Cute. DUH .

Ludii_fml | 0

#1294224 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:14

Well you look like a dumbass. Hello Kitty is for 5 year olds. DUH.

fmlbrooo | 0

#1297190 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:47

Haha , The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Get Outta' Here Dude If Your Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

fmlbrooo | 0

#1298048 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:28

Haha, The Fuck? Soo I Look Like A Dumb Ass Because I'm Wearing A Hello Kitty Shirt. Gtfo Heree Dude If Yur Gonna Talk Shit Do It Right (x

By JINJANINJA | 0

#1286803 - Sunday 22 August 2010 23:14

what are you guys, like 12 years old gtfo

BeachPanda | 0

#1287208 - Monday 23 August 2010 1:14

i shall find those ninjas!!

hippieluva | 0

#1288063 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:15

lol. I'm still trying to find the ninjas!!! even though I bet there isn't any in the picture.

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289798 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:01

aren't any* yeah i failef at finding them too :/

Ludii_fml | 0

#1289805 - Monday 23 August 2010 13:02

failed* fail.