Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive... - FML

By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

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Nice neighborhood

British Broadcasting Corporation

Long story short

By spiritbeast33 - 11/9/2013 06:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

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By goin4broke - 7/8/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

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By GeeLoftus - 31/1/2016 19:32 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

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By failuretolaunch2 - 26/2/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2011 13:05 - United States

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

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By Bibi - 23/9/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

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By Cromwel620 - 23/2/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

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By notjustfat - 20/4/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

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By no no no - 23/7/2017 20:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Game of Nope

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

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By knoppad - 13/6/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 15:36 - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

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By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Maybe he's into that...

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

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By BlueBaby123 - 25/7/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

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By Chris Altenbach - 23/2/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

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By jdmarine83 - 7/10/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I got my first job after having spent months looking, and graduating college in the meantime. I got it based on my pre-college qualifications. FML

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By Nohouseforme - 7/10/2016 05:38 - United States - Tempe

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

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By gb739 - 19/1/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

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By drfeelgood93 - 4/8/2010 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

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By Sprtsgeek13 - 13/9/2012 12:37 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2013 16:08 - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

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By 4evalone - 22/4/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

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By T_Willl - 17/11/2010 03:43

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

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By StephiLynn - 9/5/2016 04:33 - United States - Hibbing

Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML

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By Singlelady - 21/9/2016 19:16 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Had any calls lately?

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 01:42 - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

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By educatedreptile - 9/12/2016 16:21 - Canada - Yorkton

Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline 2 months ago. FML

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By sickofit - 31/12/2016 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 16:58 - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Alyxandrea Loffer - 25/5/2020 23:00

Small town blues

Today, our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got was on the local buy and sell trade page, where someone posted that they got someone else's package in the mail, and everyone in town spent 6 hours trying to guess what was in the box. It was actually the highlight of most of our day. FML

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By Disgruntled ADP - 26/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 23:16

You just don't understand art

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

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By 1357katie - 19/9/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 15:00 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

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By RP Havens - 10/1/2013 06:25 - United States - Galloway

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 16:28 - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

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Top comments

By IrishWildMan | 3

#1658601 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:28

It would appear that your analysis of not being a shy or nervous person has been proven false.

By sharmen | 0

#1658029 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

I seriously thought it said farted, not fainted haha

Comments

By XxMoonGirlAshomi | 0

#1657999 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:13

haha!!! u idot!!!

Reply

Ingenious | 0

#1658052 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:19

...Says the person who can't spell idiot. :L

Reply

sixtimessix | 0

#1658088 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:26

lol a women fainted

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1658127 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:34

fate? il tell you about fate, I met my wife during paintball, shot her in the neck, we hit it off straight away

Reply

theian01 | 3

#1658340 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:39

That's not family guy... Thats Superbad. You slightly disappoint me.

Reply

persianlovaaa691 | 0

#1658391 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:55

can someone please suck my tits ?

Reply

persianlovaaa691 | 0

#1658404 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:57

omg sorry guys I didn't write that:|

Reply

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1658452 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:21

maybe I would if you weren't 12.. :D

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1658672 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:44

26- Hahahaha. You've become a victim of getting hacked. It's happened to me... :(

Reply

TheOtherNewest1 | 6

#1664700 - Monday 8 November 2010 7:39

Absitively.

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1658012 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:15

shit, get your act together! hahah

By restythestar | 0

#1658021 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

more like FHL

By cars819 | 0

#1658023 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

lmao, it happens to me too much :)

By sharmen | 0

#1658029 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

I seriously thought it said farted, not fainted haha

Reply

yourlifesfucked | 0

#1658884 - Saturday 6 November 2010 16:59

ZOMGMETOO

Reply

Draminicaus | 0

#1661748 - Sunday 7 November 2010 8:51

Zaboomafoo**

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1658036 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:18

so you fumbled your words, after that whole thing did you attempt to gain a sac during the night. If so did the cop get touchdown in the bed?

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1658441 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:16

Juneyah, you have much about puns to learn, grasshopper. Try this:

After he left, did you go running back to his arms? Was he a wide receiver of your advances, or did he block your attempts? Here's a quarter so you can buy a clue. When you're done I want my quarter back.

Reply

miraggg | 1

#1658514 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:45

his wasnt that bad

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1658579 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:12

I never said it was bad, did I?

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1658942 - Saturday 6 November 2010 17:26

It was confusing though

By cole86 | 0

#1658038 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:18

well were u?

By Amgnowai | 0

#1658064 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:21

Y-Y-YDI

Reply

Sydknee | 8

#1658630 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:33

LMFAO. I get it :)

By mzeemzima | 0

#1658082 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:25

u fail

By sloppy3301 | 3

#1658092 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:27

ur gonna go jjjjjjjj Jail !