Love: Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

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Mother of the year

Out of it

Stop talking!

By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By Anonymous

It's mine now

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

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By diggingaplotforone - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

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By Honest mistake

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 05:02

M. Night Shyamalanadingdong

Today, I went to the bathroom after a terrible job interview. My interviewer walked in with another guy, talking about my interview, saying he was obviously going to hire the other guy because my odd-sounding name was too hard to pronounce, yet alone spell in multiple emails. FML

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By Caeru - United States

Dumbass idea

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

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By Smirky - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

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By EffUrEll - Canada - Toronto

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

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By WTF, guys? - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

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By Jaden Dubin - 31/7/2020 08:02

Animal Farm

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

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By weedvocate

All in the Family

Today, my mother brought home dinner for 4 people. I was not one of those people. The dog, however, was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

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By RedHatKat - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

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By pocahontas - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

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By Taylor

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

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By whoababy55 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

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By Carrie - 23/2/2021 21:30

Bad boy!

Today, I was enjoying my dinner by my patio window when I spotted a cat roaming through my backyard. As I observed it explore my yard, I also watched as it climbed onto, then took a piss on the freshly clean clothes I had left to dry. FML

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By yeah why not - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Landlords are scum

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

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By Anonymous

Check this out

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

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By genderless - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

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By Anonymous - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

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By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Entitled

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

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By MexyBoy

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

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By Boob - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

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By unknown - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

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By MUemma - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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By Anonymous

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

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By helpme - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2021 00:01

Sorry

Today, I vented a lot to my niece about serious things via text message but I didn't reply to hers since I was asleep. She assumed I'd killed myself and called everyone I know, and had a full blown panic attack. And she has asthma. FML

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By kafreen - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

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By academicloser - United States

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

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By Rakib - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

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By unwantedlove - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

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By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By Yocherrypicker

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

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Top comments

By IrishWildMan | 3

#1658601 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:28

It would appear that your analysis of not being a shy or nervous person has been proven false.

By sharmen | 0

#1658029 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

I seriously thought it said farted, not fainted haha

COMMENTS

By XxMoonGirlAshomi | 0

#1657999 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:13

haha!!! u idot!!!

Reply

Ingenious | 0

#1658052 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:19

...Says the person who can't spell idiot. :L

Reply

sixtimessix | 0

#1658088 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:26

lol a women fainted

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1658127 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:34

fate? il tell you about fate, I met my wife during paintball, shot her in the neck, we hit it off straight away

Reply

theian01 | 3

#1658340 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:39

That's not family guy... Thats Superbad. You slightly disappoint me.

Reply

persianlovaaa691 | 0

#1658391 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:55

can someone please suck my tits ?

Reply

persianlovaaa691 | 0

#1658404 - Saturday 6 November 2010 13:57

omg sorry guys I didn't write that:|

Reply

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1658452 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:21

maybe I would if you weren't 12.. :D

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1658672 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:44

26- Hahahaha. You've become a victim of getting hacked. It's happened to me... :(

Reply

TheOtherNewest1 | 6

#1664700 - Monday 8 November 2010 7:39

Absitively.

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1658012 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:15

shit, get your act together! hahah

By restythestar | 0

#1658021 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

more like FHL

By cars819 | 0

#1658023 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

lmao, it happens to me too much :)

By sharmen | 0

#1658029 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:16

I seriously thought it said farted, not fainted haha

Reply

yourlifesfucked | 0

#1658884 - Saturday 6 November 2010 16:59

ZOMGMETOO

Reply

Draminicaus | 0

#1661748 - Sunday 7 November 2010 8:51

Zaboomafoo**

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1658036 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:18

so you fumbled your words, after that whole thing did you attempt to gain a sac during the night. If so did the cop get touchdown in the bed?

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1658441 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:16

Juneyah, you have much about puns to learn, grasshopper. Try this:

After he left, did you go running back to his arms? Was he a wide receiver of your advances, or did he block your attempts? Here's a quarter so you can buy a clue. When you're done I want my quarter back.

Reply

miraggg | 1

#1658514 - Saturday 6 November 2010 14:45

his wasnt that bad

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1658579 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:12

I never said it was bad, did I?

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1658942 - Saturday 6 November 2010 17:26

It was confusing though

By cole86 | 0

#1658038 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:18

well were u?

By Amgnowai | 0

#1658064 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:21

Y-Y-YDI

Reply

Sydknee | 8

#1658630 - Saturday 6 November 2010 15:33

LMFAO. I get it :)

By mzeemzima | 0

#1658082 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:25

u fail

By sloppy3301 | 3

#1658092 - Saturday 6 November 2010 12:27

ur gonna go jjjjjjjj Jail !