By mcmanager - United States - San Francisco Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML I agree, your life sucks 39669 You deserved it 3593 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stupdude3 - United States Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML I agree, your life sucks 30276 You deserved it 6679 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lapis - United States Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML I agree, your life sucks 33860 You deserved it 2863 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML I agree, your life sucks 73746 You deserved it 5382 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML I agree, your life sucks 10424 You deserved it 59411 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 33431 You deserved it 3556 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JinsNeck.exe - 19/1/2021 19:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool Toodles Today, after knowing my friendship group for 9 years, who were like my family, I found out that they actually hate me and have been trying to get me to go away for 5 years. When I left, they laughed at me, argued with me and their exact last words were, "K bye" and then kicked me out. FML I agree, your life sucks 963 You deserved it 121 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whatthef - United States Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML I agree, your life sucks 30413 You deserved it 2980 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By needabettermirror - United States - Holland Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML I agree, your life sucks 7007 You deserved it 2939 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Drunken antics Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML I agree, your life sucks 28136 You deserved it 3356 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scarred Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML I agree, your life sucks 3379 You deserved it 360 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shittysituation - United States - Milpitas Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML I agree, your life sucks 42420 You deserved it 3117 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JRLJLS - United States - Lehigh Acres Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 63819 You deserved it 11493 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arse of fire :( - United Kingdom - Slough Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML I agree, your life sucks 34019 You deserved it 3852 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouchmyeye - United States Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 39616 You deserved it 5101 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML I agree, your life sucks 46764 You deserved it 3699 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Burnsville Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 29226 You deserved it 4211 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By homeless4Christmas - New Zealand Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 13329 You deserved it 27924 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML I agree, your life sucks 5458 You deserved it 259 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By luh8r - Canada Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML I agree, your life sucks 54081 You deserved it 4671 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML I agree, your life sucks 27400 You deserved it 3157 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tempe Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML I agree, your life sucks 38318 You deserved it 3082 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kimel - France - Vincent Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML I agree, your life sucks 23549 You deserved it 2306 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yankeebelle - United States OK Stephanie, whatever Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 65668 You deserved it 3494 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Regina Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 49412 You deserved it 7025 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML I agree, your life sucks 7981 You deserved it 23214 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ShylaMarie - Canada Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML I agree, your life sucks 29450 You deserved it 2919 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML I agree, your life sucks 32296 You deserved it 5404 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By milkymoo - Cyprus Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 12592 You deserved it 49734 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sting Winds of change Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML I agree, your life sucks 4965 You deserved it 703 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML I agree, your life sucks 20166 You deserved it 2777 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsohot - United States Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML I agree, your life sucks 38648 You deserved it 4227 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML I agree, your life sucks 41864 You deserved it 3002 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 23:01 One each Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML I agree, your life sucks 730 You deserved it 201 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By theflasher - United Kingdom - Bristol Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML I agree, your life sucks 27447 You deserved it 3404 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ren - United States Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML I agree, your life sucks 28042 You deserved it 2179 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Just..why Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 2282 You deserved it 183 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML I agree, your life sucks 17160 You deserved it 6282 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Awkward - United States Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 69441 You deserved it 7862 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poor excuse for a father Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2660 You deserved it 655 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By burrrito_ - United States - Crystal Lake Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML I agree, your life sucks 7598 You deserved it 3023 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hunthas | 17 #6034198 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:08 I think I would rather have bugs in my food than raisins :D Send a private message 134 21 Reply
By Marie54321 | 19 #6034204 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:09 Raisins in cookies are the reasons why I have trust issues Send a private message 91 20 Reply
By Hunthas | 17 #6034198 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:08 I think I would rather have bugs in my food than raisins :D Send a private message 134 21 Reply
Reply orphanclubber | 8 #6034215 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:18 You don't just let it slide if someone Is attractive I hope you are joking Send a private message 83 3 Reply
Reply PsychoOtaku | 7 #6034219 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:20 I actually love oatmeal raisin cookies, but they are no match for chocolate chip. Send a private message 46 6 Reply
Reply King_Nero | 15 #6034220 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:21 14- I really hope you're joking... Looks do not excuse being stupid or a bad employee. Send a private message 49 2 Reply
Reply pjsr | 32 #6034244 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:36 Even if it was a joke, it wasn't funny Send a private message 36 3 Reply
Reply zarosian | 17 #6034280 - Monday 11 August 2014 20:11 Lmfao this is the type of person that votes for a person if they are attractive or not. Send a private message 23 2 Reply
By MaddyLannister | 8 #6034199 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:08 aham, you just spotted an alien. Send a private message 42 14 Reply
Reply mallu86 | 9 #6034256 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:52 Ok, man in black. Send a private message 9 2 Reply
Reply I_cant_think | 10 #6034456 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 0:12 Who's ham? Send a private message 0 2 Reply
By soulreaper12296 | 28 #6034201 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:09 Wouldn't blame him. I hate raisins in cookies. Although I probably wouldn't be calling them "bugs". Send a private message 5 37 Reply
By ladoom | 23 #6034202 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:09 He wanted raisins. Send a private message 9 5 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6034949 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 8:46 He was probably after a raise-in. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By Demonface54 | 20 #6034203 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:09 Raisin cookies taste awful anyway Send a private message 15 30 Reply
By Marie54321 | 19 #6034204 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:09 Raisins in cookies are the reasons why I have trust issues Send a private message 91 20 Reply
Reply AnyaS | 19 #6034329 - Monday 11 August 2014 21:59 That would be awesome on a button or a shirt. Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Reply Cas88 | 8 #6034621 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 2:47 You're so clever using a quote probably read from a meme off Memedroid... Send a private message 11 2 Reply
Reply paigexox0 | 37 #6034674 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 3:46 Its straight from tumblr haha Send a private message 5 2 Reply
Reply shay_serendipity | 29 #6034712 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 4:26 While your comment is funny and relevant, no points for lack of originality. Honestly though, I've seen that on Tumblr at least a million times :/ Send a private message 3 3 Reply
Reply Marie54321 | 19 #6034804 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 5:20 Good for you #78 and #80, you figured out the internet Send a private message 5 2 Reply
By vikky538 | 28 #6034205 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:10 wow.. you have got great employees working for you.. Send a private message 15 3 Reply
Reply vikky538 | 28 #6034742 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 4:34 lol i totally forget that... Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply gracehi | 31 #6034255 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:48 What a creative, interesting, and well thought out comment. Send a private message 6 1 Reply
Reply rosheno | 4 #6034299 - Monday 11 August 2014 20:43 41, the irony in that comment isn't going unnoticed. Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By Pleonasm | 34 #6034207 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:10 The employee shouldn't need an excuse for riding the world of the atrocity that is raisin cookies. Fuck raisins. Send a private message 52 11 Reply
Reply Pleonasm | 34 #6034243 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:34 ridding* Shit. Send a private message 21 3 Reply
Reply asnakelovinbabe | 16 #6034337 - Monday 11 August 2014 22:06 Am I the only one who freaking LOVES oatmeal raising cookies...? Send a private message 11 4 Reply
Reply Xquisite1 | 28 #6034638 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 3:01 #66 Well once oatmeal is done "raising" cookies, I hope oatmeal can afford to send them to college. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
By silveronica5 | 12 #6034208 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:12 It might've been a joke? I'm not sure but I'm hoping it was Send a private message 4 4 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 403 You deserved it 124 3 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 172 4 Comments