By weirded out - United States - Brentwood Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML I agree, your life sucks 39010 You deserved it 3701 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By myheadhurts - Canada - Vancouver Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML I agree, your life sucks 42037 You deserved it 3116 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chloeguest97 - United Kingdom Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML I agree, your life sucks 41207 You deserved it 8098 357 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gmanbuilder - United States - Louisville Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML I agree, your life sucks 5757 You deserved it 1762 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull Not so anal retentive then… Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML I agree, your life sucks 8254 You deserved it 715 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmlsrslyahhh - Singapore Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 39425 You deserved it 3005 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML I agree, your life sucks 37106 You deserved it 2927 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 31489 You deserved it 6774 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML I agree, your life sucks 26648 You deserved it 3407 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MailMaster - Australia Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML I agree, your life sucks 39227 You deserved it 2867 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ENZ Emotional lift Today, I finally got my paycheck that I could enjoy $300 for myself after taking care of my bills with so many other ones. Then, I find out that the water was shut off, which is supposed to be my roommate's responsibility. Apparently, he has not paid it in months, and they want $288. FML I agree, your life sucks 2221 You deserved it 159 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02 Mystery message service Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML I agree, your life sucks 749 You deserved it 169 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oh dear - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML I agree, your life sucks 28520 You deserved it 2714 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML I agree, your life sucks 13642 You deserved it 1167 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By askprussia - United States - Pompano Beach Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML I agree, your life sucks 23087 You deserved it 1499 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CatLover - United States - Bartow Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 39397 You deserved it 2771 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oxbbabexo - United States Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML I agree, your life sucks 33984 You deserved it 93759 375 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By during - United States Narcissism Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML I agree, your life sucks 56258 You deserved it 7300 250 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kilamo Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 3384 You deserved it 859 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dammitvasquez - Canada Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML I agree, your life sucks 39138 You deserved it 8507 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - Spain - El Puig Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML I agree, your life sucks 56527 You deserved it 3658 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML I agree, your life sucks 23453 You deserved it 4991 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Dared Today, I was dared to stand and hold a sign saying, "Free Hugs." This girl I'd never seen before gave me a crushing hug and cried hysterically on my shoulder in the blazing afternoon sun. I couldn't get her off. FML I agree, your life sucks 943 You deserved it 1062 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StudentAbroad - Ukraine - Kiev Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 20916 You deserved it 2714 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML I agree, your life sucks 10626 You deserved it 38318 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stixchop - United States Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML I agree, your life sucks 21248 You deserved it 54809 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By avoid the sour cream - United States Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML I agree, your life sucks 38609 You deserved it 2821 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ignored - United States Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 41237 You deserved it 9341 294 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico Backwards world Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1313 You deserved it 244 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katie Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML I agree, your life sucks 57755 You deserved it 19081 239 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML I agree, your life sucks 44825 You deserved it 18236 252 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chels Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 2195 You deserved it 514 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mcfatty - India - Bangalore Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML I agree, your life sucks 14382 You deserved it 1511 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML I agree, your life sucks 36661 You deserved it 3573 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58 Booty non-call Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML I agree, your life sucks 1177 You deserved it 180 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my cheese grater + your dick - Canada - Saskatoon Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML I agree, your life sucks 42009 You deserved it 5274 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alexander - Russian Federation Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML I agree, your life sucks 27644 You deserved it 7313 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unwed - United States Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML I agree, your life sucks 64369 You deserved it 4383 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cary Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML I agree, your life sucks 20516 You deserved it 1217 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML I agree, your life sucks 81268 You deserved it 4180 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous "Shit ticket for one" Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML I agree, your life sucks 2954 You deserved it 244 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Queensland | 27 #6034004 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:00 He's lovin' it. Send a private message 275 5 Reply
By lil_ham1644 | 29 #6034007 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:02 Sweet promises? What, like "I promise it'll be over soon, you just look so tasty I could eat you up." Send a private message 106 0 Reply
By Queensland | 27 #6034004 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:00 He's lovin' it. Send a private message 275 5 Reply
Reply MissSatan | 16 #6034021 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:20 Just wait 'til he takes it to bed Send a private message 35 4 Reply
Reply jellybeens_fml | 16 #6034036 - Monday 11 August 2014 13:04 Customer be like "I can eat you all day" Send a private message 37 3 Reply
Reply cryssycakesx3 | 22 #6034126 - Monday 11 August 2014 16:35 gettin' that big Mac special sauce... Send a private message 6 14 Reply
Reply JMichael | 25 #6034146 - Monday 11 August 2014 17:08 I want to know if he named it Patty and sang a catchy musical number to it. Send a private message 44 3 Reply
Reply kyu_Q | 19 #6034285 - Monday 11 August 2014 20:19 pada pa pa paaaa Send a private message 7 2 Reply
Reply Brandi_Faith | 33 #6034319 - Monday 11 August 2014 21:47 I can just picture him whispering "I shall call you squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my squishy." Send a private message 13 2 Reply
Reply Jessj958 | 19 #6034407 - Monday 11 August 2014 23:08 #44 that was the first thing that came to mind after reading this! :) Send a private message 1 5 Reply
Reply shadokis | 15 #6034697 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 4:15 He wanted it his way Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By alexcr344 | 7 #6034005 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:01 Somebody needs help Send a private message 61 7 Reply
Reply tanekdrachonae | 19 #6034045 - Monday 11 August 2014 13:36 Shhh, just be quiet and let it happen. I promise you'll like it. Send a private message 53 1 Reply
Reply brivielle | 15 #6034534 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 1:25 I'd have passed by and "mistakenly" stuck a toothpick in the burger. Or mistakenly thrown a knife at it. Homicide! Send a private message 2 10 Reply
Reply Reaper5639 | 16 #6035088 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 12:21 Shame on you for wanting to crush a good relationship between man and burger. Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Reply Bentonic | 11 #6036047 - Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:15 Nah, seems like he had the situation under control. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By tony1891 | 22 #6034006 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:02 Someone forgot to take their meds ...or took the wrong one Send a private message 70 3 Reply
Reply BntyHntrSeattle | 30 #6034140 - Monday 11 August 2014 16:55 ...or doesn't have any. yet. Send a private message 22 1 Reply
Reply silvercamaro | 22 #6034149 - Monday 11 August 2014 17:11 Or he just has an intense love for burgers, I know I do. Send a private message 22 1 Reply
Reply Kyle1dc | 17 #6034484 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 0:56 or he probably forgot about pizza and ramen... Send a private message 1 6 Reply
By lil_ham1644 | 29 #6034007 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:02 Sweet promises? What, like "I promise it'll be over soon, you just look so tasty I could eat you up." Send a private message 106 0 Reply
Reply ladyLALAA | 28 #6034029 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:50 I swear you're going to a better place! Send a private message 21 1 Reply
By markcallanan_ | 20 #6034008 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:03 Oh god, run for it while you still can. Send a private message 8 21 Reply
Reply mallu86 | 9 #6034247 - Monday 11 August 2014 19:39 Run for the burger? No way. He's having a romantic date with it. Send a private message 10 2 Reply
By kimilicious | 9 #6034009 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:03 the love between a man and his food is special. Send a private message 81 1 Reply
Reply crazytwinsmom | 25 #6034124 - Monday 11 August 2014 16:34 Cheeseburger in paradise Send a private message 11 3 Reply
By JBChristian | 46 #6034010 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:04 OP just be careful where you pet it, it might not like to be touched there ;) Send a private message 36 4 Reply
Reply BreathingClover | 19 #6034186 - Monday 11 August 2014 18:42 sounds delicious Send a private message 0 3 Reply
By jsp16 | 24 #6034012 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:06 Any cheesy quotes made to the burger? Send a private message 27 3 Reply
Reply Kyle1dc | 17 #6034544 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 1:30 Burger lover: Lettuce run away together! You mayo may not want to but we were made for each other. I want to ketchup with your heart.... OK I'm done now. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By PiinkVanilla | 15 #6034013 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:06 He's gonna be the one laughing when one of those things comes alive and enslaves the human race and he is the only one spared because of his loyalty. Send a private message 72 3 Reply
By mackdeezy | 21 #6034015 - Monday 11 August 2014 12:09 I've heard of food sex but this is ridiculous. Send a private message 14 2 Reply
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML I agree, your life sucks 189 You deserved it 1166 9 Comments
Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends,... I agree, your life sucks 714 You deserved it 97 6 Comments