Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
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Top comments
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
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Comments (113)
Hilda_x 25
Am I the only one who thought "a face only a fist could love" meant the guy was staring at OP's daughter like a creep? Not that he was ugly as sin.
vintend0 8
yeah, with that attitude I can understand why she wouldn't tell you. At least he's supporting her by going with her to things that she's obviously enthusiastic about and if he can't take his eyes off of her he's clearly not interested in anyone else She could've told him that you're a complete asshole (by the sounds of it, you are). Regardless of that, if one of my girlfriends parents spoke to me like that I would **** with them Maybe next time, show a bit of respect and you might get some back.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Punch that ****
KangarooRat 23
I read this thinking the daughter was in preschool.
PhoenixChick 26
I'd guess he was just making up tales to look like an alpha male.
anonynous97 13
I would have beaten him to a pulp.
cheshireau 26
Am I the only one who has trouble reading this FML?
heartofhannah 28
Yes
sammiaaron 16
#57: nah. from the comments it seems a few others didn't really understand it either
cheshireau 26
I'm just trying to determine if the father said the comment and the boyfriend made the comment or if the boyfriend said it all. It's just poorly worded is what I'm saying
sammiaaron 16
the father only said "beautiful isn't she" & the boyfriend said the nasty response
OrganicSistah 17
I wish I saw his facial expression when you told him you were her father right before you punched him.
Guzziii 12
ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN
mas12806 24
Since you planned on resorting to violence, you deserved it. And with that I'm not surprised she kept him a secret from you, since that is how you'd react
Tyrez 32
As we see here, a living example of how stupid some people are.
sammiaaron 16
he didn't say anywhere in the FML that he was going to physically harm the guy. he only described his face. from his POV on top of that he only described his face to us AFTER this guy said this to him about his daughter.