Kids: Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with...

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 16:35 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 3 338

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Same thing different taste

Look up here

By Cody - 06/07/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 926

You deserved it 53 774

By daniel55 - 18/02/2013 00:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 372

You deserved it 5 866

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 242

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 999

You deserved it 16 499

By kat - 21/02/2012 09:53 - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 717

You deserved it 3 057

Nice.

By crunch time - 01/01/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 6 617

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 4 987

Looking good

By lexibabe - 03/03/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 010

You deserved it 2 773

Parental disapproval

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 67

Way to be creepy

By Shoe - 27/02/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 942

You deserved it 40 142

doxer 13

Thursday 28 January 2016 0:08

Did that fist end up loving him?

DerSuldam 25

Thursday 28 January 2016 0:13

I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.

Comments

sammiaaron 16

Thursday 28 January 2016 0:48

I'd be mortified

totallynotemily 25

Thursday 28 January 2016 0:57

How did he know that you were her father?

Shrike 23

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:04

Wow, seriously?

Queen_of_Night 20

Thursday 28 January 2016 2:12

Anyone else seeing Peanut going, "Hey guy, Hey guy! NYAOOOO!"?

Echosnow 15

Thursday 28 January 2016 0:59

He must have a death wish

MrPortalFan 21

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:05

Should've then introduced yourself as, "Hi, I'm [Insert name here], I raised that little beast."

Emmiii_fml 18

Thursday 28 January 2016 6:57

No....just no..

sammiaaron 16

Thursday 28 January 2016 18:11

cprad11 12

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:12

He seems like an arrogant prick to me. No guy should ever talk about his partner like that.

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:33

If you use those words to describe your girlfriend. Youre not ready to have a girlfriend

sammiaaron 16

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:37

right??? immature pig

Joshawott 21

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:42

Could have said something like "Sounds more fun than her mother" and gave him an awkward stare until he put two and two together.

Zebediabolical 39

Thursday 28 January 2016 1:52

Why not just lead with 'Why are you staring so hard at my daugher?'

Jaadde 24

Thursday 28 January 2016 2:04

Am I the only one who thinks he might have been making this up - who actually says that to a complete stranger?

ThrottleJockey 35

Thursday 28 January 2016 2:17

At least he didn't say that he likes to fist you.

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The Top

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 167

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

The Top

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 866

You deserved it 7 728

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 294

You deserved it 7 968

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 694

You deserved it 3 357

Today, I was asking my husband to help me finalize plans for our upcoming vacation. He, however, would rather pout and sulk because I don’t want him to bring his mom along. She’s been with us on our last few trips and it’s hard to get any alone time. I’m considering just going alone at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 923

You deserved it 165

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 1 931

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 4 512

Same thing different taste

Look up here

Nice.

When karma does its job

Looking good

Parental disapproval

Way to be creepy

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