Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
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Top comments
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
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Comments (113)
Googolman 29
You should have just said, "Yeah, well, I'm her father." Would've made it totally awkward for him.
doodlecloud 27
Regarding his comment, he might be a random lonely guy trying to impress another random guy? But still, there are so many questions here. Are you saying he's ugly or annoying? Or both? It's not really cool to judge people on natural beauty. And how old is your daughter? If this is a dad trying to protect his teen daughter from a douchebag then fair enough, but if this is a guy being over protective about his adult daughter, not trusting her to choose her boyfriend and judging a guy on his looks then that's pretty sad.
Schmavid64 13
It does come across a little to me that if he's a younger teenager maybe she is his first girlfriend and he was nervous and trying but to impress. That's just giving him the benefit of the doubt with that one.
ndnpride88 25
Man I hope your daughter is over 18... Especially for a dipshit of a boyfriend like him. On that note good luck with that conversation at the dinner table later on.
aruden 25
no father wants to ever hear that about their daughters. sorry op
sammiaaron 16
as a daughter I really would never ever want my father to hear something like that about me
Jets4Life89 4
She don't respect herself if she is dating a dude bragging like that to ppl her dad's age and shit. Dumb bitch your daughter is.
WOTAN1488 24
Please tell me you gave him the fist
Mathalamus 25
you seem pretty insulting, frankly. i can understand why your daughter never told you. that is, if he is actually her boyfriend. somehow, i doubt it.
XxDanno316xX 27
You clearly don't have kids.
amtapps 17
I already feel bad for any girlfriend or daughter of yours.
Mathalamus 25
Why? I know how it feels to have meddling parents. I would not interfere. Besides, I favor learning things the hard way. I had to, why shouldn't they?
sammiaaron 16
you do realize OP had posted this AFTER the incident...right? do you think it may be possible that OP is describing this guys face like this because of what he had said to OP about his daughter?... I know. the whole idea of what I just said sounds ridiculous, doesn't it
lolen2910 3
whats insulting? him saying his daughter is beautiful? or what he said about the guy? because both statements would ve spot on and completely fair for a father to say
pixierara 28
Someone needs to intervene
ragnarok1540 39
Did you fist him?
starlite85 6
I hope that you are teaching your children to be more accepting and non-judgemental.
leogachi 15
@23 Why exactly should he be accepting of a guy who talks about his daughter like that?