Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
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Top comments
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
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Comments (113)
sillygirl247 14
Damn...
analbeadlicker 14
That guy doesn't sound like he has much respect speaking about his girlfriend like that to a stranger.
puppiesarelife 2
Right? Like what a creep ew
Khaleesi_D 9
I would LOVE to see someone say that about me with my dad around.
puppiesarelife 2
I'd dump a guy if he said something like that to strangers, especially one that was my dad. But I'd also like to think I'd never date a guy that douchey in the first place. Lmaoo ?
914smv 18
Good luck talking to your daughter OP
simsgirlgem 25
I hope after you got your daughter tested to make sure she didn't get anything and punched the guy in the face
cheshireau 26
"I said, 'beautiful isn't she'. Before I could tell him to keep it in his pants.." If op said, beautiful isn't she, why is he telling op to keep it in his pants?
sammiaaron 16
just because someone is beautiful or others are speaking of one's beauty...it doesn't mean it's an invitation
cheshireau 26
Did you even read my comment??
sammiaaron 16
yeah. I'm informing you that just because the father said she was beautiful..that wasn't an invitation for crude remarks. also, in general, when someone says one is beautiful..that also isn't an invitation. YOU obviously cannot read, yourself. op said "beautiful isn't she?" & was about to also say "keep it in your pants" before the ignorant bf made his comments.
aspecialspecial 21
wow, not sure if I feel bad for you, or her..... I mean who says that to their girlfriends parents... Or to anyone for that matter... ( he prolly didn't know op was her dad) though makes me wonder if the fist did end up loving his face....
yerawizardlizzy 27
I guess I'm the only one creeped out by OP. Why on earth would you invite someone you don't know to comment on your daughter's looks? That in itself is mortifying for a daughter. And what exactly were you expecting him to say when you led a conversation like that? Sure, he was a creep and tactless, but you weren't much better, OP.
writerchic85 26
I'm sorry but the way you worded this makes it sound like you are one of those possessive overprotective dads who jumps at the opportunity to commit violence against any male who finds interest in your daughter.
cheshireau 26
So you also think that this FML is worded weirdly too?