Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (113)
gottageek 17
Trying to be confrontational first is a little overkill just because he was looking at her. That's generally what people do when someone is attractive. Though his response is tasteless, opting for YDI.
team_garra 8
That's when little Jonny knew he messed up. After you throat punched him.
mrBearBear 11
That's awkward and sucks, but did you really need to insult the guys face?
Distantsoul 8
I'm going to play Devils' advocate and say, that the "boyfriend" obviously didn't know he was her dad, to him he's just a random guy trying to say he's girlfriend is beautiful, probably thinking he wants to make a move so he came out with that line to know she's taken and put him off
Philosophclchild 3
You'd better watch out or he might beat the $!#& out of your fist with his face!
lavapants 15
You deserve it for being an asshole.
jdw17 13
If the daughter isn't a teenager then the father really isn't entitled to have a talk with either of them. If she's old enough she can date and bang whoever she wants (use common sense people not like drug dealers with STDs obviously) without having to tell her parents...
OhPuhleeze 23
I'm just wondering where do girls find these losers? I mean, do they go about looking for the most unbelievable person and think "well he seems like a nice project" ? This is assuming that the guy was telling the truth, in which case your writing the post shows that the guy wasn't "loved" enough. I don't get the whole Bad Boy deal. Why complicate your life? I mean men see a "bad" girl and they want her for a "good" time, nothing serious. Women see a "bad" boy and it's a project for life. I'm sorry you had to hear those things from that waste of genetics.
colo16_fml 10
How old is your daughter?