Love: Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first... - FML

By the girlfriend - 26/08/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 4 139

Mama's boy

Today, on Asshat Bosses…

Second opinion

By Vinny1017 - 07/10/2010 14:26 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 359

You deserved it 4 821

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 397

By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 40 578

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 45 551

By I'm my husband's second mom - 03/11/2015 07:14 - United States - Dickson

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 778

You deserved it 4 475

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 632

You deserved it 28 806

By justmyluck - 12/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 4 860

Full of it

By romoangel - 21/04/2020 05:00

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 471

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 066

You deserved it 53 362

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 127

By fuck wannabe knowitalls - 03/06/2013 23:13 - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 679

You deserved it 3 763

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 217

You deserved it 10 856

By LH0026 - 06/08/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 3 100

By Anonymous - 06/10/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 382

You deserved it 7 155

By Detroitman125 - 10/11/2018 03:00

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 217

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 988

You deserved it 2 548

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 06:31 - United Kingdom - Evesham

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 005

You deserved it 2 390

By TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 613

By Mr_poole - 18/05/2013 20:06 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 813

You deserved it 5 345

By luvlessbootycall - 24/07/2010 05:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 6 855

By lahiros - 30/05/2014 22:05 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Spicy

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 480

You deserved it 7 510

By GuillermoCJ - 22/01/2011 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 067

You deserved it 4 682

By ShutTheFuCupcake - 13/05/2014 23:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 70 742

By Jane M - 25/10/2013 23:20 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 3 731

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 736

You deserved it 10 487

By Username - 18/10/2010 15:52 - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 2 907

By Un1ucky - 08/06/2014 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 723

You deserved it 7 421

By doomed - 21/04/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 941

You deserved it 2 500

By toilet on the clock - 08/06/2016 10:40 - China - Guangzhou

Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 717

You deserved it 1 256

By 205 - 13/11/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 693

You deserved it 2 141

By Joe - 16/04/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 999

You deserved it 138 116

By himtopia19 - 03/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 585

You deserved it 16 397

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 278

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 466

You deserved it 120 378

By How strange - 20/04/2013 12:02 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 361

You deserved it 7 304

By limeiscool - 04/08/2019 04:00

Today, about to fall asleep, a bug started buzzing behind the screen to my window. Losing my sanity, I punched the screen, forgetting all about the glass. I now have a cracked window and one still annoying bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 1 865

By sarahpft - 13/09/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 141

You deserved it 2 463

By Nic - 22/07/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 751

You deserved it 45 615

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 845

You deserved it 5 793

By Odds in my favour - 14/03/2018 15:00

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 657

You deserved it 377

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Friday 26 August 2011 15:59

Start swimming around like a fish. Get to know his family's fish and promptly fall back onto land.

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:05

Promptly? OP: Hi... my name is ahhuugghh!!!! mom: Nice to meet you ahhuugghh. Is that a Scandinavian name? BF: smh

Comments

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Friday 26 August 2011 15:58

Unlucky

fanceh 10

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:05

fish whisperer...?

scissorluvvv22 0

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:16

you should have just laughed it off...thats always the best way to handle awkward situations

LiveLaughFML 10

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:16

oh no! are the fish okay!?

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:28

(meeting OP's mom) hi, how are yyYYYYYOOOOU!!! *splash*

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:28

The qualifiers for the olympic dive team is a hard one to get into... And here are the results Great Britain judge 4.0 USA 4.2 France 4.1 East Germany 1.2

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Friday 26 August 2011 17:22

The country named Myself voted a 2.9... Little shallow on dive, wasn't enough arc to call it a true dive.

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Friday 26 August 2011 18:11

Ooh, a rich boyfriend! Nice!

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Friday 26 August 2011 19:30

25 and 32 I dont care much about arc as long as it has some cool flips and someone falls into a pond full of fish im good.

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Friday 26 August 2011 20:10

NeatNit, why do you assume her bf is rich? I helped my parents dig a lovely backyard pond a few years ago. The cost is very minimal if you don't mind throwing some dirt around yourself.

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Friday 26 August 2011 21:01

You sure made a splash with his mother. Haha.

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Friday 26 August 2011 22:42

"Do you like piranhas dear?"

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Saturday 27 August 2011 4:54

Fail

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Friday 26 August 2011 15:59

Start swimming around like a fish. Get to know his family's fish and promptly fall back onto land.

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Friday 26 August 2011 17:43

Ahahahaha mental image...

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Friday 26 August 2011 19:54

Dare I say it? Looks like OP Puts on sunglasses* Got her fish wet

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:02

Shit happens, hopefully you don't smell like fish and his mom doesn't think you're a crazy.

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Friday 26 August 2011 17:13

If his mom has a good sense of humor, OP will never live this down.

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Saturday 27 August 2011 5:52

Probably smelled like fish before she fell in the pond.

FranzFerdinand 18

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Tuesday 20 December 2011 6:19

Exactly- at least it wasn't something "scandalous" or unavoidable, it was just a really awkward accident, haha. Unless OP's mom is bitchy when it comes time to her pond, I don't see why she'd dislike her for it or anything, it'd just be embarrassing. So no worries OP. (x

allard 14

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:04

At least you didn't pee all over your self in her bathroom.

Roflcopterasd_fml 0

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:04

as oing as ur on the moms good side your ok.....

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:05

well at least she didn't push you in....you how protective mothers can be

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Friday 26 August 2011 22:49

My mom is 2 overprotective.... It's not even funny

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:05

Promptly? OP: Hi... my name is ahhuugghh!!!! mom: Nice to meet you ahhuugghh. Is that a Scandinavian name? BF: smh

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:13

At least she didn't say 'proceeded' lol

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:11

she love you for your wildness

thesparkman97 0

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:13

Not an FML

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Friday 26 August 2011 16:16

It could have gone worse...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

Yes totally...like if the family shark jumped out of the pond and ate her instead....I hate when shit like that happens.. Smh

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 995

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 1 152