Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I saw one of my best friends having sex with a girl at a party. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl naked. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Maybe not so 100%?
MegasaurusRex89 28
I don't know if "100%" is an accurate estimate...
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Comments (242)
taylorzgoines 16
well maybe not 100%
inolongercare 19
Obviously you aren't "100% heterosexual make" if you are willing to do that in your drunken state
izzytakamono 9
Apparently not...
Denny1988 19
getting drunk doesn't make you gay, after all drunk words are sober thoughts, or in your case drunk acts are sober desires
shinikageWolf 15
Did you swallow?
xapocxbiggunx 4
One does not simply suck d$#% then continue to call themselves heterosexual.
janfleury 19
Maybe just maybe you need to cut back on drinking.
otecasacid 22
So this hyper politically correct website is in agreement that you deserved to essentially rape yourself? Bare min sexual assault. Stay classy sjw fml
otecasacid 22
Like honestly, if op was a female, and gave someone a blacked out ********; I guarantee the entire comment section would be screaming : wow he assaulted you call the police! Backwards ass feminists
tosdyke 16
...well, on the bright side since you blew your 100%, you also reduced your chances of leaving the bar alone...