Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I saw one of my best friends having sex with a girl at a party. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl naked. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Maybe not so 100%?
MegasaurusRex89 28
I don't know if "100%" is an accurate estimate...
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Comments (242)
Rizzie0512 18
Obviously not 100%, buddy
mosquito19 14
that's okay, that guy probably thinks you're a girl,
Tidus0 17
Well either you weren't blind drunk if you can remember it which means you chose to or your friends are pulling your legs about it.
mkayden 23
So, did you say no **** after you were done? Only then you can still be 100% not gay.
kiki9_fml 10
I wouldn't be too firm on that "100% heterosexual" part lol.
switchbl4de 9
I don't know if 100% is the best percentage to use.
embryoeggnog 10
Did he finish in your mouth?
jackroarrr 25
If you were " blind drunk " how do you even remember.
Zeone_fml 9
I bet that was hard to swallow
missbritt203 9
The absolute WORST is when people think they can advise another person on what his or her sexual orientation is! It's more about who the person is attracted to than who they have sex with (There are straight male **** actors and Sex workers of all genders who'll attest to that). I don't understand what could give any of you the idea that you know what this stranger's-- or anyone's-- innermost desires are. Even if their actions are contradictory to their words, it's rude assign them a label opposite of what they want to be called.
Flyndaran 10
If you have sex with a guy for fun, then it's silly to say you're a 100% heterosexual male. Words have meaning outside of your preferences. I can't call myself a wombat even if I identify as one and work really hard to poop cubical turds. (They really do that.)
leogachi 15
Sexuality is fluid, wombats are not.