Miscellaneous: Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 10

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 744

16/11/2015 08:23

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 530

You deserved it 1 705

There's no helping some people

Dementia or hate? You decide

Road angst

13/03/2012 17:59

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 2 900

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 1 179

23/02/2010 18:09

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 386

You deserved it 3 659

11/07/2019 00:03

Spicy

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 943

You deserved it 114

14/12/2013 07:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 353

You deserved it 7 965

19/10/2010 06:17

Spicy

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 400

You deserved it 42 733

Ultimately

By "penne_pasta580802" - 23/01/2020 14:00

Today, I decided to take my car to work as I had some errands to do after. I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 560

28/09/2015 03:27

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 925

You deserved it 2 710

02/01/2015 03:38

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 045

You deserved it 12 882

31/08/2014 18:44

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 715

You deserved it 4 333

26/03/2015 08:35

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 809

You deserved it 4 599

07/09/2012 00:49

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 387

You deserved it 21 311

26/09/2011 17:06

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 2 850

06/09/2011 08:06

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 4 924

18/06/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 1 380

28/07/2010 19:27

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 153

You deserved it 4 846

Priorities

By natashamilan - 26/02/2015 01:43

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 632

You deserved it 2 810

05/10/2012 02:44

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 6 523

10/03/2015 06:19

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 8 391

12/10/2009 02:48

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 643

You deserved it 4 127

28/12/2014 13:56

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 2 176

21/02/2012 18:45

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 3 051

21/12/2011 15:33

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 438

You deserved it 5 153

14/06/2015 13:41

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 6 501

27/11/2014 07:06

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 2 743

08/03/2014 09:23

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 791

You deserved it 13 988

15/03/2009 20:47

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 307

You deserved it 17 247

29/01/2010 08:43

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 4 603

11/02/2009 05:16

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 095

You deserved it 2 868

Make your minds up

By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 908

You deserved it 3 090

04/11/2009 10:12

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 2 529

01/06/2011 00:50

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 719

You deserved it 8 629

05/10/2012 23:38

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 478

You deserved it 2 362

10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 307

What a charmer

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 23:05

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 547

09/12/2012 06:43

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 3 039

19/07/2012 15:30

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 2 187

16/01/2010 03:30

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 368

You deserved it 4 754

26/12/2009 23:46

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 8 487

07/03/2011 05:38

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 493

You deserved it 12 868

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

UnidentifiedFun 37

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:24

Well, props to her for being honest.. But I don't see why she would just drop that bombshell out of nowhere.

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:24

now the real question is how did your dad react? Did it happen in some nutty 3-way thing, or are do your parents have an open relationship? I can understand that this would definitely be really hard to take in, but hey, you've got a new brother!

Comments

UnidentifiedFun 37

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:24

Well, props to her for being honest.. But I don't see why she would just drop that bombshell out of nowhere.

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:35

Maybe to perhaps just Come clean to Michael & OP, instead of making them both assume that Michael is Kevin's father.

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 23:03

THAT had better be the reason.

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 8:37

Yeah this definitely needs context...

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 17:45

Or it could be the age old "mum/dad jokes" and OP is an idiot.

OSMC 10

Send a private message

Thursday 19 November 2015 15:21

mebbe sheh suux at engiissh (possibly the parent in question is imcompetent in the english language)

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:24

now the real question is how did your dad react? Did it happen in some nutty 3-way thing, or are do your parents have an open relationship? I can understand that this would definitely be really hard to take in, but hey, you've got a new brother!

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 22:20

he-he. "Hard to take in"

OSMC 10

Send a private message

Thursday 19 November 2015 15:27

pervy, bro, just too pervy

ellabellaboom 24

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:25

Well that really sucks OP. I hope that doesn't change the way you see your brother in the long run. I don't known the whole situation so I can't really assume anything. Just be strong for the little guy. Seems like there is going to be a string of problems to come. I hope I'm wrong though. Good luck OP.

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:30

in my country those names are interchangeable; I see no problem

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 23:11

in soviet russia, michael means kevin and kevin means michael

militarybrat 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:30

Michael doesnt even come close to kevin. Like.. Not even for a nickname. Not in english anyways, since op was written in english.

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 7:28

49, it says where the post originated under it. I don't believe the Maldives is an English speaking country (at least as a national language) nor does it have a US military base to provide a family that fits your assumption.

nikkipettyfer 24

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:31

What do you even say to that...

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:31

Well that was a plot twist.

hardcorefan16 22

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:33

Wow that's awkward. I hope your dad wasn't in the room.

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:35

Kevin must be the mail man !

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 23:13

he's definitely the nail man

MrSassypants 32

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 23:47

I'm Kevin, and sorry to disappoint but I'm not the mail man, the nail man, or the father. But in gym class when we ran a mile I was known as the snail man if it makes you feel any better.

alwaysstabbing 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 November 2015 20:23

germans use "alpha Kevin" as an curse word

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:37

Well technically she did said "His father" ..

xTommytheGUNx 15

Send a private message

Thursday 19 November 2015 1:57

you're right she did said that

Send a private message

Monday 16 November 2015 22:37

Affair aside, at least you don't have to worry about being related to somebody with a non-Office-character name.