Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped,... - FML

By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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Fear factor

British Broadcasting Corporation

Don't give up

By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

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By anonymous - 13/9/2015 15:34 - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

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By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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By CorCelesti - 2/6/2014 14:00 - United States

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

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By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2013 05:29 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, the kids I was babysitting somehow found a pair of my underwear. They asked if they could use them to go parachuting. FML

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By mike - 7/2/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

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By MoncaBang - 29/1/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

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By Gina - 2/4/2010 11:33 - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 15:31 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By ulrika - 24/7/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

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By Unnoticed - 27/7/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

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By sorrynotsorry - 19/8/2014 02:59 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

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By Robyn_mori - 31/1/2020 05:00 - Canada

The difference

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

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By Andy - 27/2/2019 02:00

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

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By h4rdy - 9/3/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

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By BreakingTheMood - 13/11/2013 18:08 - Finland - Vanda

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

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By sluttyfox - 31/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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By patrick - 17/3/2010 16:15 - United States

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

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By Liz - 6/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

He Tried?

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

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By timmyb - 2/3/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, i walked into starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, " NO". There was a 'now hiring' sign in the window. FML

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By TheStressComesFree - 31/7/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 23:02 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

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By "baow" - 17/3/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

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By whoslade - 28/6/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

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By Bostonian - 2/12/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

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By Parental - 22/1/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

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By AloisTrancy - 24/10/2019 22:00

Corporate logic

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

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By feckingnasty - 26/1/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

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By soomeone - 16/2/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML

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By Nosexytime - 14/1/2010 15:56 - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

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By Jeff - 2/3/2010 15:53 - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

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By TKPhai - 5/4/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By LemonadePink | 0

#619345 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:13

3 year olds cry about anything, unless they got really hurt...not really an FML. Just funny. haha

By Veritas143 | 0

#619388 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:31

Darn biker gangs always attacking the disabled fyl :p

Comments

By legendofdon | 0

#619330 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:08

haha fail

By LemonadePink | 0

#619345 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:13

3 year olds cry about anything, unless they got really hurt...not really an FML. Just funny. haha

Reply

MattM95 | 16

#5936308 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 7:56

It's true. Anything can upset them. OP shouldn't feel guilty. It wasn't on purpose and the kids are okay. Maybe a little scraped or cut but I'm sure they're okay.

By YouHaveNotLived | 0

#619353 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:16

Not so FML-ish. Funny, though.

By Amkii | 0

#619364 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:21

3 year-olds! Really?! They ride bikes?! My god, my cousin once-removed is very behind on her development... she's just mastering walking without falling! Well, she's only 2, but still! I doubt that in a year she would be riding a bike.

By narsty | 0

#619367 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:22

That would make an awsome joke in a slapstick comedy

By Amkii | 0

#619378 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:26

Edit.

By youthink_fml | 0

#619387 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:30

Did you flail around like you were on fire or something? How do you knock people off bikes because you're blind? And I doubt 3-year-olds are riding bikes.

By Veritas143 | 0

#619388 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:31

Darn biker gangs always attacking the disabled fyl :p

By tyson346 | 0

#619393 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:32

Today i was widing my bike wen this big man wan up to me and fired his lazer at me and ten i fell off my bike and i pee peed from my eyes

Reply

year2015 | 11

#6172985 - Thursday 15 January 2015 4:45

Is it bad that I laughed at this?

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#619396 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:37

ydi for being friends with a guy who rides a moped