Miscellaneous: Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped,... - FML

By sillystring - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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Understandable

Tetchy

Tinder surprise

By Lonelyhopeful

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

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By teeth - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

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By Tim - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

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By So so close to clean - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

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By bigdaddy - United States

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

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By A girl - Netherlands

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

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By El Boz - United States

Splashed out

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

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By mdp624 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

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By goincrazy - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Unionize!

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

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By Pups4Cups

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

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By KillMePlease - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

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By AnAngryyGiraffe - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

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By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

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By TheIVkindaruinsthemood - United States - Milford

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

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By Tanny

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

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By stellarshaun - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

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By depraved - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

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By Familyreject - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

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By "Kymberly Hams" - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:06 - United States - Hesperia

First Dates

Today, a guy took me on a date to McDonald’s. I smiled, but told him politely that I don’t eat fast food. He called me a stuck-up snob and a high maintenance gold digger who didn’t deserve him. I’m neither. I have IBS and greasy food sets me off. I had to walk home. FML

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By icandothecancan - United States - Duncan

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

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By Anonymous - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my father told me that it wasn't that I was written out of his will, it's that he never thought to include me in the first place. FML

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By catlady - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

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By AloneAtPerkins - 26/11/2020 03:58 - United States - West Bend

Sticky situation

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

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Top comments

By LemonadePink | 0

#619345 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:13

3 year olds cry about anything, unless they got really hurt...not really an FML. Just funny. haha

By Veritas143 | 0

#619388 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:31

Darn biker gangs always attacking the disabled fyl :p

COMMENTS

By legendofdon | 0

#619330 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:08

haha fail

By LemonadePink | 0

#619345 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:13

3 year olds cry about anything, unless they got really hurt...not really an FML. Just funny. haha

Reply

MattM95 | 16

#5936308 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 7:56

It's true. Anything can upset them. OP shouldn't feel guilty. It wasn't on purpose and the kids are okay. Maybe a little scraped or cut but I'm sure they're okay.

By YouHaveNotLived | 0

#619353 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:16

Not so FML-ish. Funny, though.

By Amkii | 0

#619364 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:21

3 year-olds! Really?! They ride bikes?! My god, my cousin once-removed is very behind on her development... she's just mastering walking without falling! Well, she's only 2, but still! I doubt that in a year she would be riding a bike.

By narsty | 0

#619367 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:22

That would make an awsome joke in a slapstick comedy

By Amkii | 0

#619378 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:26

Edit.

By youthink_fml | 0

#619387 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:30

Did you flail around like you were on fire or something? How do you knock people off bikes because you're blind? And I doubt 3-year-olds are riding bikes.

By Veritas143 | 0

#619388 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:31

Darn biker gangs always attacking the disabled fyl :p

By tyson346 | 0

#619393 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:32

Today i was widing my bike wen this big man wan up to me and fired his lazer at me and ten i fell off my bike and i pee peed from my eyes

Reply

year2015 | 11

#6172985 - Thursday 15 January 2015 4:45

Is it bad that I laughed at this?

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#619396 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:37

ydi for being friends with a guy who rides a moped