Miscellaneous: Oh, hi Mark! - FML

Oh, hi Mark!

By DepressedKid - 01/10/2010 11:31 - Canada

Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for school work. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 224

You deserved it 3 726

Dysfunctional

Walk on the wild side

Fake it til you make it

By midwify - 05/01/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 216

You deserved it 7 599

By Mirorbo - 11/06/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 317

You deserved it 3 674

Sink-dodger alert!

By penpendesrapen - 11/03/2010 00:40 - Philippines

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 314

You deserved it 2 484

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 220

By dentinpalevo - 29/12/2009 07:29 - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 877

You deserved it 2 351

By itchybollos - 16/09/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 965

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 04:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 228

You deserved it 9 650

By perfecttiming - 06/05/2013 15:25 - United States - San Jose

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 564

You deserved it 4 647

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 10 262

By he is going to hell - 18/09/2012 21:46 - Australia - Forestville

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 325

You deserved it 2 138

Perish the thought

By weird - 03/07/2021 20:01

Today, I found out that my half-brother from my mom’s side is dating my half-sister from my dad’s side when I caught them hooking up at our last family event. Even though they aren’t blood related, it’s still super creepy for some reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 218

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 137

You deserved it 4 220

The classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 1 272

By Anonymous - 12/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 734

You deserved it 3 355

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 722

You deserved it 3 944

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 576

You deserved it 30 068

By Mmorgan771 - 04/08/2015 17:02 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 375

You deserved it 1 708

Wig out

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 18:00

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a toupee. It's my real hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 140

Getting on

By Lexxxiii - 17/06/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that every time I play video games, my wrist and elbows always end up hurting so badly from holding my controller/handheld games. I always have to apply bengay and wear braces. Arthritis is creeping up on me harshly, and I’m still young so this sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 372

By PumaGator - 04/06/2016 20:39

Spicy

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 735

You deserved it 2 070

The hustler

By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 01:00

Today, my boyfriend of six months, who happened to be my first kiss, broke up with me after borrowing 120 dollars. Not twenty minutes later, he was at the bar drinking with my brothers and my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 180

By Dante178 - 08/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 667

You deserved it 3 769

By Lapis - 20/12/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 884

You deserved it 2 865

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 07:08 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 071

You deserved it 3 762

By ohwell - 24/11/2014 13:44 - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 828

You deserved it 3 276

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Spicy

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 645

You deserved it 5 305

By Annomymous - 23/01/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 805

You deserved it 4 856

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 13:03 - New Zealand

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 002

You deserved it 8 355

By anyone - 02/09/2010 04:48 - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 4 479

By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/09/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 5 841

By theatreluver - 05/01/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 33 478

By sciencesadness - 08/02/2014 23:24 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 204

You deserved it 4 319

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 120

You deserved it 24 115

By unaware - 19/09/2012 04:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 994

You deserved it 35 195

Checked out

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 388

Mind your own business

By janie - 10/01/2021 17:01

Today, I'm so skinny that I was told to, “Eat a burger.” While I was eating a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 123

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 082

By loser - 29/10/2008 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 321

You deserved it 41 966

By vat - 25/02/2013 08:33 - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 3 634

By stonesober - 31/12/2009 01:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 672

You deserved it 3 552

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Top comments

lionandthelamb61 9

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:04

Well their school work answers are gonna be invisible after this too

mbouf 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:05

that sux I had a few " friends" like that when I was younger. but I also had some real friends. good luck

Comments

lionandthelamb61 9

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:04

Well their school work answers are gonna be invisible after this too

fearlesstiger98 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 17:14

win ^

KingDingALing 9

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Friday 1 October 2010 20:52

OP- I see that your username is "Depressedkid". Go get laid and then you won't be depressed. ;D

Marvin_Android 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 21:03

Sounds dreadful. I can tell you from experience that this is the price of intelligence. That, and the soul-crushing despair that comes with the understanding of how utterly futile everything is in the grand scheme of the universe. Oh God, I'm so depressed. I bet you don't feel half as bad as I do, OP. The fact that they even had you fooled until now shows that your intelligence can't be THAT high. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

MissErikaHart 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 21:12

you don't need friends. u need money. sell the answers to homework

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Friday 1 October 2010 22:15

Hey! Look at the bright side OP! You have SUPERPOWERS!

thecrazyasian 3

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Saturday 2 October 2010 8:17

ur gon be successful and rich when their scrubbing toilets don't worry bout it

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Saturday 2 October 2010 15:24

don't worry about it i know what it's like...the other zebras don't like me much.

BlobfishUnite 14

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 22:44

SHOW 'EM, OP!

mbouf 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:05

that sux I had a few " friends" like that when I was younger. but I also had some real friends. good luck

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

Hopefully there are more people for you to make friends with. But these people are not your friends, so just walk calmly away and know you're better off without them. Unless, they were just saying that to kid you. But you'll know from the tone in their voices which the case is.

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:32

shut up

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:40

No.

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:44

Cinn ignore some people they can be so rude!!!!

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Friday 1 October 2010 17:12

TengoCojones, any last words? I have you locked on for being a rude person. Oh! too late I'll shoot you anyways, (shoots 45mm gun) BOOOOM! Btw Op is a nerd she should find friends at a tutoring club or a math club. (flies away)

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 1 October 2010 19:03

What is wrong with notenercojones that he feels the need to pick on Original Cinn

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Friday 1 October 2010 19:06

PUN! ^^

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Saturday 2 October 2010 3:48

i think he just needs to get laid xD

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:08

That sucks. You should probably stop giving them answers and make real friends.

laughing_atyou 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:36

Can you flip your picture so its normal?! Just a pet peeve :)

rainbowveins2010 6

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:12

You shouldnt let people copy in the first place...

cantfightfate 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:34

oh so you're THAT girl huh?

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Friday 1 October 2010 17:42

I agree

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Saturday 2 October 2010 3:37

why the hell not? it's easy

AjaxF 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:35

YDI for thinking you can buy friends by letting them copy! FYL for being a smart ass!

doublerainbow 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 22:31

FYL for being black

bluefairy_fml 24

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:42

It sucks that you have to deal with such morons. Find yourself some true friends. And you'll get your revenge on these asses who can't do their own homework one day, when they'll come to you begging for employment :)

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:44

hope you let them fail clearly they are passing because your the only one with brains in that group

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:55

Let them fail and then make some real friends.

biass 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 17:00

well, you might as well get something out of it. start chargin them (:$:)

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87