Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Laundry drama

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

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By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

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By sunlightchild_14 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

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By ratqueen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

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By ugh - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

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By Eww - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

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By spaceavery - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

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By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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By Hellau - France

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

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By Something I said? - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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By Van - United States

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

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By RinoaHeartilly

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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By Joel_mama - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

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By unwanted - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

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By lil123 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

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By PickedOff - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Ottersum

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

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By mperrotta913 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

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By Liz - France

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

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By Anna L. - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

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By Rose - United States

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

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By eatmywords - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

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By Dante - United States

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

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By disgusted - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

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By jumbledgirl - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

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By Galaxy-eyes photon human - 4/6/2020 02:00

Misery

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

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By Sarah - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 02:01

Unhappy Birthday

Today, none of my family was at home. Turns out my one of my aunts was having a birthday party and all my relatives went, but nobody told me because they don’t like me coming around. FML

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Top comments

By roeallen | 11

#2018523 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

By jupiter80 | 0

#2018507 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:05

give her a chance ;)

COMMENTS

By tabarnak_fml | 7

#2018500 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:04

wow lol that's funny :D

bigtits94 | 0

#2019633 - Saturday 29 January 2011 7:49

Shhh gay

aimbug | 42

#6429414 - Thursday 8 October 2015 3:03

Not so much for Op.

By jupiter80 | 0

#2018507 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:05

give her a chance ;)

aardvarkish | 15

#2018674 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:38

That's what *I'M* talkin' about!

impatientsnake | 4

#2161145 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 7:21

she love u go ahead and get that

By pottymouthpanda | 0

#2018516 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:07

she pretty?

By roeallen | 11

#2018523 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

Vanilor_fml | 5

#2019000 - Saturday 29 January 2011 2:59

run... run away .. and never return

Mr_Darkside | 5

#2019016 - Saturday 29 January 2011 3:05

hah i can just imagine this person running away in slow motion at sunset on a beach.... of course while Chariots of Fire is playing.

woosah | 16

#3296894 - Friday 16 September 2011 7:26

So she's obviously crazy and now you're probably screwed. Good luck. Find a new job.

stangbang92 | 17

#6513775 - Monday 18 January 2016 17:45

Why? If you had fallen in love with some one and then they told you they loved you and walked away wouldn't you want answers?

TokioCore | 17

#6536349 - Sunday 14 February 2016 2:14

"Bye, love you" doesnt exactly sound as a love confession to me. Besides, 6 missed calls and a long text message?? Thats a bit too clingy

By JDFromSac | 0

#2018524 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

lmao.

By 5t3ff1k4h | 44

#2018528 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

Bow chicka wow wow... ;)

By eyetri13 | 0

#2018530 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

lol

By skyttlz | 32

#2018533 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

Lol awkward everytime you see her ... just tell her it was an accident?

By Emilyinroom483 | 7

#2018542 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:12

Awkward, but just tell her it was an accident. Not too hard.

By LegitJP | 0

#2018546 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:13

lesbian lovers

Tankkiller308 | 16

#6145735 - Tuesday 16 December 2014 5:00

I'm confused how did you get to that conclusion I didn't see any where, where it tells you op's gender

xChaos | 29

#6504420 - Thursday 7 January 2016 20:29

I see you're new to this place