Work: Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

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Work

Messed up

Tasty!

Cute trick, asshole

By Fucked - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

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By Crap - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

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By creepster - Canada

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 22:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Gentle prank

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

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By wideawakeandinpain - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

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By chapstick - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

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By Lyn - France

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

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By saddened97 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Serbia

Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML

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By gamergirlfriend - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

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By Brittany - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

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By firewait - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

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By Madmanmorton - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

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By Anonymous - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

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By Taylor Easley - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By Hairdresser On Fire - United Kingdom - Bristol

Bad hair day

Today, I mistook a little girl for a boy. Unfortunately, I only realised my mistake until after I'd cut her hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

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By Jaayoung23 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

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By shut up. - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sylvania

Slasher

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

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By now my watch begins - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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By anonymous409 - 1/12/2020 20:01

Greetings

Today, I was going out to buy some stuff from the store. As I was leaving, my mom warned me to tie my shoelaces; I told her not to worry about it. As I'm walking down the street, I see my crush walking towards me. As I get closer and say hi, I trip on my shoelaces and face-plant into her chest. FML

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By onlyme - United States

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

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By Ummm - United States - Wheaton

Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML

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By Annie - United States

Waste

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

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By Sean - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

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By conductingfromthegrave - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

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By Antonin - 13/11/2020 05:03 - Switzerland

We meet again

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

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By runsinthefamily - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

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By Drim - Canada

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

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Top comments

By roeallen | 11

#2018523 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

By jupiter80 | 0

#2018507 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:05

give her a chance ;)

COMMENTS

By tabarnak_fml | 7

#2018500 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:04

wow lol that's funny :D

bigtits94 | 0

#2019633 - Saturday 29 January 2011 7:49

Shhh gay

aimbug | 42

#6429414 - Thursday 8 October 2015 3:03

Not so much for Op.

By jupiter80 | 0

#2018507 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:05

give her a chance ;)

aardvarkish | 15

#2018674 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:38

That's what *I'M* talkin' about!

impatientsnake | 4

#2161145 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 7:21

she love u go ahead and get that

By pottymouthpanda | 0

#2018516 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:07

she pretty?

By roeallen | 11

#2018523 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

Vanilor_fml | 5

#2019000 - Saturday 29 January 2011 2:59

run... run away .. and never return

Mr_Darkside | 5

#2019016 - Saturday 29 January 2011 3:05

hah i can just imagine this person running away in slow motion at sunset on a beach.... of course while Chariots of Fire is playing.

woosah | 16

#3296894 - Friday 16 September 2011 7:26

So she's obviously crazy and now you're probably screwed. Good luck. Find a new job.

stangbang92 | 17

#6513775 - Monday 18 January 2016 17:45

Why? If you had fallen in love with some one and then they told you they loved you and walked away wouldn't you want answers?

TokioCore | 17

#6536349 - Sunday 14 February 2016 2:14

"Bye, love you" doesnt exactly sound as a love confession to me. Besides, 6 missed calls and a long text message?? Thats a bit too clingy

By JDFromSac | 0

#2018524 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:08

lmao.

By 5t3ff1k4h | 44

#2018528 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

Bow chicka wow wow... ;)

By eyetri13 | 0

#2018530 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

lol

By skyttlz | 32

#2018533 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:09

Lol awkward everytime you see her ... just tell her it was an accident?

By Emilyinroom483 | 7

#2018542 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:12

Awkward, but just tell her it was an accident. Not too hard.

By LegitJP | 0

#2018546 - Saturday 29 January 2011 1:13

lesbian lovers

Tankkiller308 | 16

#6145735 - Tuesday 16 December 2014 5:00

I'm confused how did you get to that conclusion I didn't see any where, where it tells you op's gender

xChaos | 29

#6504420 - Thursday 7 January 2016 20:29

I see you're new to this place