Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
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Top comments
scrappy23 4
At least you have a germ free dick.
dijafe27 6
I thought you were gonna say you contracted herpes . So LUCKY you ! ^.^
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Comments (118)
Inciter 33
That sounds painful. Maybe you should keep them in separate places.
PhishloverA 14
You were just trying to clean your penis OP it's okay. If you're a girl then the guy you had sex with was just cleaning his dick
TonyRuckus 5
One word IDIOT
gmc_blossom 21
At least OP didn't use glue as lube.
acetheone 8
don't you mean genital sanitizer op? lol you're lucky it wasn't worse, f your life.
DuRpY 5
Perhaps it's your hand's way of practicing safe sex. And yes, that is an insinuation.
pakalyps 2
You are taking safe sex practice to a whole new level my friend.
athlete1990 4
I'd bet that wouldn't still burn in the morning but good story op.
kofeinisti 6
Where in the post did it say it still burned in the morning? OP probably saw the sanitizer bottle on the nightstand and put two and two together.
saffy66 34
My friend's boyfriend reached for the toothpaste once instead of the lube - she said it was pretty damn painful too.
jim_bolicious 4
should be thankful it wasn't Bengay, Rub a535, or Tiger Balm
jim_bolicious 4
or super glue