Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
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Top comments
scrappy23 4
At least you have a germ free dick.
dijafe27 6
I thought you were gonna say you contracted herpes . So LUCKY you ! ^.^
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Comments (118)
ChapulinColorado 2
YDI for being drunk enough to not read the lable on the bottle
mrsmaglietta 6
at least the burning sensation wasn't from an std
The_Milfman 6
Atleast u killed any STDS u could have gotten
The_F3rris 11
I feel bad for the unlucky girl who gets to douche out some hand sanitizer later.
kurodansei 16
Oh that's dirty... well... wait.
KiddNYC1O 22
Holy shit. I'm so sorry.
bethrocksya 9
This FML would be way worse say... if we found out OP was a girl and she also found a used condom in the sheets....?! 0.o Either gender, this still has to be one hell of a painful experience!
natalia32710 8
Maybe it will kill the stds
Darkmagic666 9
I worry about the person you slept with too
Techtacular 0
Good lord. Who ever was on the receving end is going to have a VERY painful awakening.. Unless that was you, OP. Than I'm so sorry for you right now.