Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
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Top comments
Saintly 2
I don't think you should do that position again.
OysterPearls 33
Lots of people. A guy was harrassing my friend once at school, touching her after her repeatedly telling him not to, and she clocked him right in the dick.
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Comments (106)
Liamwme 9
Just remind him. "You know we could never have sex again" and see if he even tries anything.
TheLawIsHere 23
Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, he was joking and isn't actually going to assault you?
Axel5238 29
The first 3 big rules of comedy are timing, timing and timing. Also, just cause something is funny once doesn't mean it should be repeated till death. Context and timing is key.
hipposteve 21
what an eerie observation..
Clapdaddy 16
Why would anyone want to punch their girlfriend in the **** anyway... What a weird kid.
Krypt1c 11
I can't help but feel your username says the same about you. I read Clapdaddy and I think of STD Clap
lexiale 10
I hope he was joking, even though that isn't a funny joke. this needs a follow up
Bragi 12
Like the man said "calm down, Francis."
OysterPearls 33
Lots of people. A guy was harrassing my friend once at school, touching her after her repeatedly telling him not to, and she clocked him right in the dick.
Witchylady 18
Time to punch him in the balls while he is asleep and he won't be able to stop you. What a pig of a boyfriend
Death_The_Kid15 20
^Most likely. Feminist.
vikky538 29
I am wondering what that position would be
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Probably doggy style?
tw124331 13
My question as well!
Mr_Guy_Dude 17
69
opiate_ape 10
ha ha ha ha ha ha