By scarred_sibling - United States Caught red handed Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML I agree, your life sucks 39268 You deserved it 3020 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML I agree, your life sucks 41902 You deserved it 6721 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BNLM - United States Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 7590 You deserved it 34029 231 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Devin Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML I agree, your life sucks 1344 You deserved it 662 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML I agree, your life sucks 12086 You deserved it 1555 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexyswollen - Netherlands Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML I agree, your life sucks 30875 You deserved it 3120 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML I agree, your life sucks 33989 You deserved it 6190 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML I agree, your life sucks 34133 You deserved it 8527 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sickie. - United States Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML I agree, your life sucks 14248 You deserved it 59810 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teeth - United States Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 40322 You deserved it 2817 239 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awskme - France Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 10625 You deserved it 28254 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Katie - United States Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 31055 You deserved it 2595 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By woofwoof - Turkey - Izmir Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 31934 You deserved it 2981 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jess49 - United States Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML I agree, your life sucks 28234 You deserved it 4792 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 26325 You deserved it 2116 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HeIsKindaRightTho - United States - Houghton Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML I agree, your life sucks 33246 You deserved it 4902 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By btg - United States Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML I agree, your life sucks 36070 You deserved it 3498 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poisonhand - United States Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML I agree, your life sucks 7077 You deserved it 69389 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By youmakemesick - United States Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML I agree, your life sucks 38476 You deserved it 2726 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML I agree, your life sucks 12455 You deserved it 76569 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 8-year-old niece corrected my spelling via text message. FML I agree, your life sucks 9324 You deserved it 36280 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Scumbagmemory - United States Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML I agree, your life sucks 29296 You deserved it 11635 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By umm...no - United States - Keller Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML I agree, your life sucks 9810 You deserved it 734 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cramps - Australia Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML I agree, your life sucks 59090 You deserved it 3975 241 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jada - United States Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML I agree, your life sucks 37243 You deserved it 3629 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 39420 You deserved it 5229 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ohshucks! - United States Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML I agree, your life sucks 29499 You deserved it 15492 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MrsCasillas - United States - Oklahoma City Today, my financial issues hit a new low when I had to borrow back some of the money I gave the guy who did my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 35385 You deserved it 5783 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nathan - United States Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML I agree, your life sucks 74997 You deserved it 7819 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML I agree, your life sucks 7910 You deserved it 81172 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By british_babe - United Kingdom - London Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML I agree, your life sucks 52010 You deserved it 4297 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anyonymous_101 Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 1673 You deserved it 80 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poupi - France Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 25417 You deserved it 6883 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML I agree, your life sucks 28844 You deserved it 3044 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML I agree, your life sucks 50870 You deserved it 4178 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Betsydoll - United States Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML I agree, your life sucks 59513 You deserved it 26254 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Evil_Angel_90 - Australia Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML I agree, your life sucks 42925 You deserved it 6222 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screwed - Chile Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML I agree, your life sucks 12764 You deserved it 29697 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By f_n_fail - United States Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML I agree, your life sucks 9094 You deserved it 699 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lou Czar - United States Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 16743 You deserved it 80980 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7697354 - Saturday 22 September 2018 3:00 MMMMMMMMMMMMM Bacon.... Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By real life problems | 26 #7697313 - Saturday 22 September 2018 0:47 Clinger alert Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By real life problems | 26 #7697313 - Saturday 22 September 2018 0:47 Clinger alert Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By GamerChickxoxo | 16 #7697328 - Saturday 22 September 2018 1:14 My cat would have eaten it.I let her outside and she killed a rabbit bigger than that.Shes 17 pounds tho. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7697354 - Saturday 22 September 2018 3:00 MMMMMMMMMMMMM Bacon.... Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 662 You deserved it 146 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1115 You deserved it 59 6 Comments