Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it, I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML
Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was OK. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Oktopussy 13
How does your landlord know you rarely drink milk. Is she living with you?
Martine624 23
Honestly I find the fact that your landlord knows how much milk you (don't) drink a little more disturbing than your slightly misplaced joke... FYL OP!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (43)
smoothies14 32
@39 just because studies debunk the need for more Vitamin D (which has actually been known for some time by the scientific community) and some people are LI, doesn't mean that there is nothing good to milk. Milk has many vitamins that help maintain body systems in adults, particularly the cardiorespiratory and nervous systems. Vitamin A and vision, B12 for maintenance of nerves and RBCs, Thiamin and Riboflavin both have multiple functions and have a significant percent of a person's RDI in a glass of milk, Niacin and energy metabolism, etc.
badblaby 8
Cow milk won't lengthen your life span. FYI
KrazyKatz333 15
I'm sure that she wouldn't even pick up on that. You're over analysing.