Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it, I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML
Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was OK. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML
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Top comments
Oktopussy 13
How does your landlord know you rarely drink milk. Is she living with you?
Martine624 23
Honestly I find the fact that your landlord knows how much milk you (don't) drink a little more disturbing than your slightly misplaced joke... FYL OP!
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Comments (43)
GhostFox 34
OP's landlady obviously dons a black cat burglar suit and follows her around all day. Or noting her tenant's/tenants' behaviors and habits to correct them is her way of coping with her husbands early death. She couldn't save him from his heart attack and doesn't want the same to happen to OP. That said, not exactly your fault/ you just had a brain fart.
Balphleair 24
Well it was a hidden "**** you" message to you landlord because she has nothing to do with your life. You can drink whatever shit you like buddy.
XxDanno316xX 27
Uh, does your comment have a hidden message also?
moodyreallyrocks 27
Just keep your head up OP!
worldclassrager 41
What does that have to do with milk?
ZackKP 11
woah
ww431 15
Don't beat yourself up over it, you didn't do it on purpose! :)
IcyShadowLordLOL 2
What does heart attack have to do with not drinking milk?
D_as_h 19
how do you die young from not drinking milk?? milk really isn't really beneficial to humans.
Scorpio01 16
Her young husband just died, maybe she was hinting you towards some different milk drinking....
smoothies14 32
People that are lactose intolerant usually find out pretty fast, but that doesn't mean it's so terrible for the rest of us. Most of the problems the health experts have with milk is the high protein and high fat. Most people just want to blame recent overnutrition leading to obesity and heart problems on something they don't like instead of an excess consumption of meat and fried food.