Kitten Struggles

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

There's no helping some people

Workaholic

Clean break

By Hunterxx - United States

39614

7198

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

By Postdotfuzz - United States

33515

9130

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

By coveredupforfun - Canada - Ottawa

36909

6150

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

By Anonymous

2973

158

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

By Anonymous - United States

46878

3232

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia - Hornsby

32235

2654

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

By idiot - 28/6/2020 08:07

Double trouble

1119

1528

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

By aherdofpigs - United States

50009

21023

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

By Bill Harrison - United States

32348

6720

Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Henderson

2606

324

Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML

By pickle

Ouch!

1137

509

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

By tony456 - United States

32583

24506

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

By Anonymous - United States

17916

51139

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

By bbbbb - United States - Woodbridge

28191

1880

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

By ScottishSteak

Scotland and its leccy bills

1245

Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML

By mrsimintrouble - United States - Redding

16665

2338

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

By broke bitch - United States - Hampton

26389

2312

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

By Salliemae - United States - Manchester

2818

368

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

By Anonymous - 25/6/2020 20:00

Empathy

1559

149

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

By hes - United States

52237

4372

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

By Anonymous - United States

62046

4025

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

By Awkward - United States - Albuquerque

20686

4609

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

By anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

29541

1821

Today, I was video chatting with my dad. He handed the phone to his wife, whose first words out of her mouth were, "Why are you getting so skinny?" This was also the same woman whose first words out of her mouth when they came to visit us 3 years ago was how much weight I've gained. FML

By spinspinsugar - 24/2/2021 14:01 - United States - Camillus

Bodyshaming ain't cool

760

Today, in my college class, our teacher asked us what we wanted to do when we get out of college. I guess being a U.S. Marine gets you a lecture for the whole class to hear that I'm a war hungry pig, and should get a real job that requires a brain. My job field is Aircraft repair. FML

By S3R1AL K1LL3R X - United States

38258

4471

Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML

By Anonymous - United States

32405

2815

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

By Michelle - United States

30587

3422

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

By Josie Stiger - 19/3/2020 05:00

Denied

1462

252

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

By notjustfat - United States

22554

2306

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 18:07

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

773

1008

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

49926

12818

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

By John jacob - United States

54422

6173

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

32324

2907

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

By Dezzmond68 - Canada - Aylmer

11833

862

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

By Ouch

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

1380

164

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

By Fartnonymous - Qatar - Doha

22579

2642

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

By Superdumb

1671

4910

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

By Beva - Sweden - Falk?ping

32988

2387

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

By Snuffles

1851

210

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

By Anonymous - United States

18342

53596